Say Goodbye
by Raych
Summary: Set in last episode of S4. Brooke and Lucas share a special goodbye on the beach in the midst of the party. Contains adult content.
1. Chapter 1

**I know I should be updating my other three fics but I just got the idea for a one shot and since I'm lacking inspiration currently I decided to write this. This fic comes from the song Say Goodbye by Dave Matthews Band.**

**At the party Rachel throws at the end of high school instead of Lucas reading the exert from his novel to Brooke at the party he takes her away to read her his words and say goodbye the night before she leaves town. Brucas with mentions of Leyton and Brase. Contains adult content - not usually my style so I apologise if that part isn't too good.  
**

"Hey Cheery, what's got you looking so broody? I thought that was my job." She looked up at the voice and felt the smile spread on her face.

"It's the end Broody, I don't think I'm ready. It's a big wide scary world out there and high school is my safety net." He laughed at her and she swatted playfully at him, both knowing she hated being teased.

"Brooke how is high school safety when you think of all the drama, and the tragedies." She shrugged and he took pity on her. "I've something I want to show you Brooke, come with me?" He held a hand out to her and his eyes caught on hers. She felt a flicker of something in the pit of her stomach but was unable to name the emotion. She slid her hand in his and allowed him to lead her away from the party. She trailed behind him, her hand in his as he crashed through the woods and made his way down to the beach.

If Peyton and Lucas' spot was where her car broke down a million or so years ago then for she and Lucas the beach was theirs. Some of the other party goers had started a bonfire a few hours ago and the remains still burned softly against the night sky. He stopped and turned to her, a hand reaching into his jacket pocket and bringing out a book. The flames danced in his eyes and she felt captured away from the world. The anticipation of him sharing something profound with her had her nerve endings standing to attention.

"I wrote a novel Brooke, it's based on our lives here. It started as a story of two boys who became men and found a brotherhood in the process but it encompasses us all here. You've no reason to fear tomorrow Brooke. You'll succeed." She felt a glow in her heart at his words, she watched as he opened the book and began to read from it. "She was fiercely independent, Brooke Davis. Brilliant, and beautiful, and brave. In two years she had grown more than anyone I had ever known. Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday. I'm not sure she even knows it." She swallowed to keep the lump in tears inside her throat and not let them out.

"Lucas if I've grown in the last two years it's because of you. There was a boy who told me that I didn't need to strip naked in the backseat of a guy's car to get his attention. Luke you were the first person who ever really wanted to believe there was more to me than what I put out there. You made it feel like it was okay to just be myself and that maybe people would love me anyway." He felt like their real lives were a million miles away from them right then. His hand went out automatically to cup her cheek, in some ways he was surprised she didn't back away, and in others it felt entirely natural to be like that with her.

"Pretty girl," Once he'd begun words failed him and he felt utterly lost. She had that effect on him, despite being a writer when it came to Brooke he never felt like he had the words to adequately explain exactly how he felt. "We could have been amazing." He saw the tears pooling in her eyes and knew that the same was happening to him. Two high school lovers that had meant the world to one another but never quite managed to get it right.

"It was always Peyton, even before you spoke to her." He heard the sadness in her voice and the persistent thorn in his side, the voice asking why she'd sent him to Peyton when she sometimes looked so sad when she saw them.

"You were the one Brooke, the one I loved first. She was a fantasy before I spoke to her, you were my reality. If I knew the right words to say back then I might never have fallen for her." She stifled the sob in her throat. If tonight was their last night then she could at least be honest.

"There weren't any Lucas. No words would have erased the damage, it wasn't about you, or even me. It was about Peyton. Even when I hated her I still loved her underneath. I wanted her to be happy and she wouldn't be happy without you. I knew you would be happy together. Walking away broke my heart." Her heart melted as she caught the glimmer of a tear on his cheek in the firelight. Without thinking, unable to consider the consequences she leant forward and kissed his tear away. His hand rose up and tangled in her hair, keeping her close to him, their foreheads touching. Her eyes slid shut and she contemplated just how she'd ended up here.

_So here we are tonight  
You and me together  
The storm outside, the fire is bright  
_

He felt the waves of love roll over his heart, he'd never let her go. He'd always known he never would. It seemed only days ago he'd entertained fantasies of spending his life with her, he wouldn't let himself remember their lives, the people who loved them and they loved in return that were just a short walk away. He wanted nothing to puncture the bubble they seemed encased in.

"I would have loved you forever." He saw the tears slipping silently down her cheeks.

"I still will." The agony of her words almost brought him to his knees.

_And in your eyes I see  
What's on my mind  
You've got me wild  
Turned around inside  
_

He let his forehead move back and his chin forward, their lips met with the softest caress, he waited for her reaction and found no objection. He pressed deeper and seized her mouth with his own, devouring her like a starving man with a meal. He had been starved of her taste and her touch and he found himself lost in her scent, pressing her closer to him knowing this could not last. They broke apart for no reason other than breath, their eyes glazed over with ill concealed lust.

_And then desire, see, is creeping  
Up heavy inside here  
And know you feel the same way  
I do now _

"Lucas..." She trailed away not knowing how to speak. To tell him that her love had risen over her in waves once more and she ached to feel his touch. But he was Peyton's now and this would not end well. His finger pressed over her lips, he knew exactly what words she would say.

"Tonight is a night for lost lovers, tomorrow is the day the future begins." He held his breath in anticipation of her reaction, he knew that this was a danger for them both. But this was more than drunk and lust. This was the last time they would see one another for god only knew how long. This was the last chance they would ever have to bid farewell on the love they shared so passionately. Tomorrow they would pretend nothing had ever happened, they would say brief farewells surrounded by friends because no one would want to witness anything more from them. It was easier for everyone around them to write them off as a high school romance that had never been built to last, only they two knew the depth of emotion.

_Now let's make this an evening  
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight  
Stay here with me, love, tonight  
Just for an evening  
When we make  
Our passion pictures  
You and me twist up  
Secret creatures  
And we'll stay here  
Tomorrow go back to being friends_

Her consent came in the form on a kiss, their tongues battling and hands roaming as they explored the bodies they had known so intimately well. Her breathing grew ragged as his hand reached inside her jeans. He stroked her inner thigh, his thumb brushing her clit, her panties the thinnest barrier between them. Her knees trembled and she wondered whether she would be able to remain standing, her body leapt to his touch. She'd shed her jacket and rid herself of her top. His free hand reached round her and unhooked her bra. As it slipped away from her she heard his gasp as her breasts fell free. He reached out his thumb to lightly circle the skin around the harden nipple. She felt light headed with lust and thrust herself closer to him. He cupped her with the palm of his hand, feeling her wetness soaking her panties. His cock ached with lust. It seemed like it had forgotten just how much this girl turned him on.

He felt her tremble with lust as he pushed aside the soaking scrap of material preventing him from reaching her. He dipped his finger inside of her and then dragged it softly through her, a slow massage of her clit had Brooke panting and trembling against him. he could feel the heat rising through her body through his shirt. At every movement, every gasp his cock twitched, desperate to be inside of her.

_Go back to being friends  
But tonight let's be lovers,  
We kiss and sweat  
We'll turn this better thing  
To the best  
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss  
Tangled tongues and lips,  
See me this way  
I'm turning and turning for you  
Girl just tonight _

He felt her tightening and constricting as she panted and gasped her way to orgasm. As she came down her lips met his once more, her hands roaming him, tearing clothes away as they fell as one to the soft sand below. He turned them and pulled back enough to see the faint light from the almost burnt out bonfire lighting her body. He tried to memorize every inch of her knowing he would never see this girl again, not in this way. He lightly flicked his tongue over her swollen nipples and she moaned deep in her throat. She thrust her body up to his and he lost control, sliding into her with a force unlike any he'd used before. The months of estrangement between them lost as their bodies moved together like they were designed for one another. He felt her nails pierce the surface of his back, briefly the thought of how it would be explained to Peyton crossed his mind before it went blank to the sensation of Brooke's body beneath him, as she moaned and grasped him.

They exploded together drenched in sweat, before her mind was able to focus again she had him on his back, his hands reaching up to cup her breasts as she rotated her hips against his. With few coherent thoughts breaking thorough her lust addled mind the one thing that did reach her was that if she was going to be the type of person she despised, if they were going to indulge in betrayal of such magnitude they might as well squeeze every last drop of pleasure from the night as they were able. One hand dropped from her breast to slip between their moving bodies as he once more sought out her sensitive spot. He saw the white light behind his eyelids as the world exploded once more.

Exhausted, sated and sweaty she fell beside him on the sand. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to him, her head nestled in the gap between his jaw and his shoulder and her arm fell across his waist. He lips pressed against her forehead. And she allowed herself just one more minutes indulgence before she prepared to pull away.

_Float away here with me  
An evening just wait and see  
But tomorrow go back to your man  
I'm back to my world  
And we're back to being friends  
Wait and see me,  
Tonight let's do this thing  
All we are is wasting hours until the sun comes up it's all ours  
On our way here  
Tomorrow go back to being friends _

"Don't let this change anything Lucas. Love her as though tonight never happened." He wished she'd given them longer before beginning to introduce the rest of the world into their night.

"Promise me we'll always be friends Brooke, promise me you'll let someone love you one day like I always wanted to. Like I still do." Brooke couldn't speak, unable to find words to describe the emotions whirring in her. Lucas Scott was the one boy she would always love. But this had been goodbye to everything they were.

_Go back to being friends  
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will  
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love  
A thing or two I have to say here  
Tonight let's go all the way then  
Love I'll see you,  
Just for this evening  
Let's strip down, trip out at this  
One evening starts with a kiss  
Run away_

Reluctantly they broke apart, picking up their clothes, with each item they tugged back on they were erasing a little more of their past. Both knew that in the edited versions of their high school lives no one would place an emphasis on what they'd been to one another. It was forgotten. She held her shoes in her hand as they began to walk back to the party. Mutual consensus had them walk hand in hand until they reached the point where the beach met the wood. They paused then, knowing that crossing the divide would mean the end of their love. Though it may survive in their hearts in reality it would be as though it had never existed. He wrapped her up in his arms and she clung tightly to him. He was lost as to how to let her go. She pushed herself up on her tip toes and softly kissed his lips. He felt the salty taste of her tears and knew his own matched hers. As they pulled apart neither noticed the girl stood metres away. They stepped into the wood and began to walk back, a distance between them that was wider than it had ever been before.

"Where've you been guys? We're heading to the River Court now." Both pairs of eyes widened at the voice, the knowledge someone knew they'd been somewhere together.

"Seeing the last embers of the bonfire Hales." Brooke wondered how Lucas was able to come up with the words so smoothly. Haley's raised eyebrow said she doubted the story. Lucas strode off as Peyton appeared. Haley looked at Brooke expectantly, she barely noticed. All she saw was Lucas greet Peyton with a smile and a kiss. She tore her gaze away, heart shattered. Knowing what they'd shared was erased when they returned was different from witnessing it.

"Brooke?" She finally looked at Haley's expectant face.

"We were just saying goodbye Haley. He showed me what he wrote in his book about me." Haley nodded and didn't say a word, she wrapped an arm round Brooke's shoulders and pulled her head down to allow a kiss to be placed on the top of her head. She wouldn't tell her that he'd looked back as he walked away with Peyton – not if it was a goodbye she'd seen.

_And tomorrow  
Back to being friends  
Lovers...love...lovers  
Just for tonight, one night...love you  
And tomorrow say goodbye_


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm not yet convinced I can expand this into a full story, but here's a companion one shot that I hope will answer a few questions.**

Her breath caught in her throat as she listened to her messages. It had been years since she'd heard his voice, and now he was here in her city and he wanted to see her, to celebrate with her. It wouldn't be difficult to delete the message and pretend she never got it. But she couldn't pretend the leap in her heart wasn't there. Lucas Scott was in New York and if she met him as he asked it would be the first time she'd seen or spoken to him since that night. It was quite a feat of her own engineering that this was so. She'd always flown to visit Haley, Nathan and Jamie while he visited Peyton. If they crossed paths it was on separate flights in mid air. When she was in their shared apartment alone she call screened, never answering until she knew it wasn't him. Peyton had never questioned the numerous coincidences that she was going to Tree Hill just as Lucas was coming to L.A. Brooke wondered if she had any idea why or whether she truly did believe that many coincidences were possible. She wondered if he knew. If she had to put her money on an option it would be that neither knew, both blondes had always been dense when it came to her feelings for the brooding blonde. She knew however without question that of course Nathan knew. She had never said a word to him, but he knew. Haley would have explained at some point over the years. Perhaps because he was questioning the situation, perhaps not. It all depended on how perceptive Nathan had become. Or maybe that was under estimating him, he wasn't quite the dumb jock everyone had always taken him for.

She pressed delete and wished she was able to erase him from her heart as easily as she could delete his voice from her machine. She fought against the urge to go and get her box of secret belongings from the top of her closet. She had more than enough things on her mind with regards to Victoria's expansion plans without opening Pandora's Box. It was the past and it was much better kept there. A wiser move would be to make a start on the designs for the new line. Brooke never better than anyone how work could be healing, a fantastic diversion from a broken heart. She'd not considered her heart broken in a long time but hearing his voice she knew she was still not quite over him. One day she would be, but not today.

He tried to pretend he wasn't scanning the crowd for her, that he was completely focussed on the people who were offering him his dream. That the woman who was to be his editor was holding his attention above all else. But he couldn't help searching for brunette hair, hazel eyes and cute dimples. The first time he'd flown out to visit Peyton he had been looking forward to seeing the brunette too. He'd almost been amused when he'd casually asked where she was and Peyton told him that by some strange coincidence she was flying out to visit Haley, Nathan and Jamie. It wasn't until his third visit that he began to question it. He never voiced his thoughts to Peyton, how could he without alerting her to something that may have happened. The fact was Brooke Davis never visited his family unless he was visiting her roommate. In all the time the girls had lived together not once had Brooke answered the phone. When the suspicions had first started he'd wondered if he was paranoid. After a while he'd become certain that he was not. Brooke was resolutely avoiding him.

It was unfair given that they'd promised to remain friends forever that night. He hated not seeing her, never speaking to her. He needed her as much as he needed the air he breathed. Being so removed from her was like torture. He couldn't appear too interested in Brooke to Peyton and Haley always seemed to find ways of diverting the conversation whenever she was mentioned for too long. He never asked Haley if she knew but he suspected she did. Lindsey finally got his attention when she asked whether the couple in the book were still together. He didn't really have anything to say to answer her. It wasn't like he was prepared to tell a complete stranger that he'd proposed and been rejected. Nor was he about to admit that he was more concerned with Brooke right now than he was with Peyton's rejection.

She grinned at him as the crowd parted and he spotted her. She couldn't help the way her pulsed raced when she saw him, nor stop the spread of desire that hit the pit of her belly. The delight that raced through her veins at how happy he seemed to see her. She'd been crazy to believe she wouldn't come here. Deep in her heart she knew the truth was that the second his voice told her he was here she was coming to see him. she'd withheld for all of an hour, which admittedly was quite impressive. An hour in which she pretended to be sketching but in truth was to wrapped up in thoughts of him to be doing any work.

He felt a huge weight fall from his shoulders when he saw her. He'd almost given up on the idea of her coming, with good reason. If she'd avoided him for so long why should now be any different? The fact he was on her turf and his arrival was unexpected probably meant nothing except that she'd not had time to run away. The sight of her took his breath away and his heart slowed as she glided closer to him. Brooke Davis had always been the most beautiful girl in the room, but now she wasn't a girl anymore. She was clearly a woman, a woman with beauty and strength, such poise and grace that lust ignited his skin. Memories of the last time he saw her assaulted his senses. Suddenly the haze that had covered that night was lifted and he was able to remember the smell of her, the feel of her body writhing with his, the taste of her skin. He tried to calm himself before she reached him, before any of the people around them noticed his raging hard on. He reached out to her as she stopped inches away. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, but knew it was not an option until he calmed down. He settled from placing his hands on both her arms, one moved up to her face. He touched her reverently as though he could not quite believe she was really there.

The bolt of lust that hit her solar plexus made her knees weak and her panties wet as she gushed desire. A touch of his hand to her arm was enough to light every single sense in her, she wanted to be in his arms, wanted nothing more than to connect with him like they'd done the last time they'd seen each other on the beach. The memories she locked away from that night burst into her mind, pushing her desire up several notches as she remembered just how complete she felt with his rock hard thrusting cock inside of her. She hated to think how she'd melt if they hugged and yet couldn't stop herself propelling herself into his arms. She felt his dying hard on return with a harsh rage as it pushed against his trousers and into her. Clearly he wanted her as much as she wanted him. this had definitely been a mistake.

He cursed his lack of control as she hugged him, his boner had almost died until she was in his arms. There was no doubt that she could feel it pressing against her. He was embarrassed beyond belief as she stepped back from him. Brooke Davis never blushed, until tonight. He wanted nothing more than for the ground to open and swallow him. He doubted very much she was aware of his sudden break up with Peyton, she probably thought he was a horny teenager. Somehow he was just unable to control himself when memories of her hot wet pussy swallowing his cock as he sucked her breast and teased her nipple would refuse to leave his fevered brain.

"You up for getting some dinner with a struggling designer now you're a hot young author?"

She couldn't quite believe how this evening was going, she thought she'd done a pretty good job of hiding her desire from him, desire that had evaporated the second he told her why Peyton wasn't here celebrating with him. she caught the flash of pain in his eyes as he told however much he tried to pretend it wasn't destroying him. perhaps getting completely wasted on free drink because everyone thought the rock he showed her was a sign of their engagement wasn't the best idea given the circumstances, but when had she ever done the smart thing where Lucas was concerned.

As the guy giving them the carriage ride asked about their plans for the future Lucas remembered exactly how he'd seen their lives working out. When he'd disappeared to look at colleges with his mom after Keith's death Brooke might have seen it as him moving away from her, at every place he'd looked he'd seen past the college and seen the future beyond it. Graduating and proposing to her, getting married as they both had success in their careers. Children before they hit thirty. He'd even pictured them in his head, their two strong, handsome boys and their beautiful princess. He'd seen a little girl who was an exact replica of a young Brooke Davis – but much more loved by her parents than Brooke had been. That was the future he outlined to the man as Brooke sat beside him.

She felt her stomach drop at Lucas' words. The 'plans' for their future together. Her pulse quickened when he mentioned children and she couldn't help but wonder whether he would have been right in his part prediction. Would they have had a son, or a daughter?

_Her stomach lurched as the second blue line appeared in front of her eyes. So much for a goodbye no one else would ever know about. She thought wryly. She dropped the stick in the trash can, then picked it back up. There was no way she wanted Peyton to find it. She felt herself slick with sweat and jumped up, turning fast to throw the lid to the toilet she'd been sat on up and vomit into it. She vaguely remembered Haley saying morning sickness only started at around 6 weeks, she wondered whether this was the start or whether it was fear. Fear because she had no idea how to break this bombshell to the people she loved. Her first thought wasn't him, it was her. After everything she'd said when Peyton had betrayed her she had done something worse. Peyton betrayed her emotionally, she fell in love. But she'd never slept with Lucas while they were together. Brooke had spent days feeling like the lowest scum in the world after they'd embarked for L.A. Peyton had been heartbroken to leave Lucas behind, Brooke had been glad. She knew she couldn't handle being with him, or rather near him. Nor could she deal with watching them. The guilt was eating her alive as it was. She questioned why on earth she'd done it, but the truth was that in the moment it had felt completely natural to have one last time together to bid farewell to the hell that had been their failed high school romance. No one other than them ever really accepted their love had been real, for everyone Peyton had lurked in the back of their relationship. Brooke was smart enough to know everyone thought Lucas was killing time with her until Peyton realised she loved him. Brooke had the same thought at the time, in retrospect she had been able to see the realness of their love. It was too late by then admittedly but they'd needed closure. That night had been closure. Only now it appeared it had opened a new chapter in their doomed love triangle rather than closing the book on it altogether._

_Peyton would obviously have to be told, Brooke knew the easiest option at this point would be to destroy all evidence of that night. But she'd known that it wasn't an option before she'd had her fears confirmed. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that this would end their relationship. Peyton would never forgive either of them. However much Peyton Sawyer loved Lucas Scott this would destroy them. Peyton would never want to speak to either of them again. She had been the one to push Lucas to Peyton, now she was the one that would take him away. She destroyed their relationship like Peyton had destroyed hers. The only difference was Brooke had been naive, she'd truly believed that there was no way that night could change a thing._

_Finally she thought of Lucas, this would destroy the life he was creating for himself. And somehow she was going to have to find a way to tell him._

Lucas noticed the sudden change in her, clearly his picture of their future was not what she wanted. The evening's jokey atmosphere dissipated and he bitterly regretted pushing too far. He stumbled from the carriage and she told him she'd help him to his hotel room. Her body supported his as they went from the lobby to the elevator to his room. He fumbled with his key card and she took it from him and opened the door. He fell back onto the bed, looking up at her. Since discussing Peyton any lustful feelings for Brooke had fallen by the wayside, but just then they rushed back up him.

She saw the change in his eyes, felt the sudden charge in the air. This had been a mistake, she should have sent him up to his room alone. But knew he'd never have made it. Which was exactly the reason this was pure insanity. He was completely drunk off his ass, he'd broken up with Peyton only twenty four hours ago – after proposing to her. This would be completely without question the worst thing she could ever do. Regardless of that she felt the flood of warmth to her sex, the rush of her hot, juice of her desire. All that from a look. Lucas Scott had utterly dominated her body. She knew this without question, she'd slept with more men than she cared to admit before him and a few after him. None of them lit her body on fire like he could. He did it without trying.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and grabbed her hand. He could read the signals well and knew she wanted him badly, that she was fighting against her logical, sensible brain. He pulled her sharply, caught off guard she fell forward landing on him. she pulled back enough that her face was inches from his. He wanted to kiss her but she held back. Instead his left hand darted up her dress, she had little chance to tell him to stop before he reached her panties. He imagined they were see through with wetness, he knew she was melting for him. whatever she may be trying to do she was desperate for him. she ached for him. all this he knew, her breath hitched in her throat, he knew it was anticipation of him touching her that had her like this.

She moaned deep in the back of her throat as his finger caressed her liquid hot core, all thoughts of how wrong this was dissipated. She fumbled with the buttons on his pants and slipped her hand inside his boxers, wrapping her hand lightly around his swollen cock. She heard the sharp intake of breath from him and grinned. Clothes were shed in record time and she felt a blinding ecstasy as he slid inside her. She wrapped her legs around him, pushing him further inside of her. He moved rhythmically, in and out. When he withdrew he was almost completely out of her, ramming back inside of her touching her g-spot with slow, leisurely vigour. Spots swam behind her eyes and she raked her fingers down his back, panting and moaning. She felt the white hot passion rush to her sex as she was brought to a body shuddering orgasm, she felt him shudder inside her as her sex tightened around him, sending him over the edge shouting her name.

Spent the pair rolled away from each other, Lucas was asleep almost instantly. She wasn't particularly surprised nor upset by that. Lucas was the one who had kept her up for hours talking and cuddling after they made love when they were together. Not the typical male stereotype at all. This time she was glad, she looked down at him as her senses returned to normal and she once again felt the sense of dread. Lucas had been wasted, she wondered whether he'd remember come morning. She guessed he'd regret it. With that thought she knew there was no way she could stay the night with him. She slid open her phone and checked the time, it was four a.m. Definitely past time she went home. Quietly she gathered her shoes, dress and underwear. Slipping them on she couldn't resist the temptation to press a kiss against Lucas' lips. It would be a long time before they saw one another again. Just like before. Their passion it seemed could not be contained, but like oil and water they simply did not mix.

Despite the amount he'd drunk the previous night he woke with a clear head – and an empty bed. His first thought was that she must be in the bathroom, but deep down he knew better. He knew she'd have gone home while he slept. His timing was as usual terrible. He wasn't proving himself trustful to her at all. Their first forbidden night was when he and Peyton were together, their second the night after he'd proposed to Peyton. It didn't look good that much he admitted. He looked like a man who wanted his love, and his lust. He knew her well enough to know she was berating herself for acting like the whore everyone in high school had thought she was. He groaned deeply as he sat up, at a total loss as to what words he would be able to say to convince her that despite the terrible circumstances he did indeed love her. He certainly hadn't been looking for sex when he'd called her last night. He'd wanted to share his moment with her. _Who do you want standing next to you when your dreams come true? _Both girls had asked the same question of him, he'd given the opposite answer to the girl who asked. Would he have wanted Peyton in New York with him if she'd agreed to marry him? Would he have still called Brooke? Brooke was the first to congratulate him on the championship win. Peyton was the first on his coaching victory. Both had become dreams for him. This time it was Brooke, would the next be Peyton? He had no idea, what he did know was he couldn't walk away from her again

Slept had eluded her the previous night and instead she had ripped the scabs from her wound and pulled the box from her closet. She felt the tears slipping down her cheeks as she remembered the pain. She'd eventually given in to the tears and fallen into a fitful sleep around seven, she glanced up disorientated and saw it was now nine thirty. The incessant banging on the door had brought her round and she rushed to answer it. It would probably be the messenger Victoria was sending over with the write up of her expansion plans. She was stunned to find Lucas Scott on the other side of her door. Wordlessly she let him in and watched him as he paced. She knew he was searching his brain for the words he thought he needed.

"Has she called you?" He stopped short and looked at her almost pained.

"I'm not here to tell you I'm going back to her."

"Then what do you want?" She held her breath, half of her wanting him to declare his love, the other half praying for all their sakes he didn't.

"You know I didn't come looking for what happened last night, I never look for that with you it's more than sex. But you just do something to me and my brain loses control and my lust takes over. Brooke I still love you, I never forgot what we did, what we were." She was very conscious of the fact she was stood there in barely there pyjamas without even having brushed her teeth or hair.

"Luke, can I just get dressed and take a shower?" He frowned but nodded anyway. She raced upstairs and into her en-suite, twisting the knobs on the shower. She needed time away from him before her lust addled brain went back into overdrive. She felt like Lucas was about to offer her a future and she was lost as to what to say. Peyton would be devastated – but Peyton obviously didn't want to marry him. She'd said no. She had the opportunity and she said no. Did that mean that she no longer loved him? Did Peyton's lack of interest even matter, surely the fact was that Lucas had proposed was what mattered, the answer was negligible. She wrapped her towel around her and brushed her teeth. First she'd get dressed and then she'd listen to what he had to say. She was obviously getting ahead of herself. She opened the door and found a shell shocked Lucas sat on her bed. Surrounded by her memories. When he realised she was there he looked up. The pain in his eyes almost killed her.

"You slept with me last night and you're pregnant?" He held the scan picture up to confront her and she felt her jaw go slack in shock.

"Of course not, Lucas I've not slept with anyone since you on the beach. Chase and I broke up after I got to L.A. I couldn't face it with him after..." Realisation began to dawn on him.

"This is from back then? You were pregnant after the beach?" She nodded and cast her eyes down. "Peyton never knew then?" It was a stupid question he knew, no way would Peyton have stayed with him if she'd known he'd impregnated her best friend. He stood then anger blazing through him. "How could you not tell me?" She flinched back in awe of his anger.

"I was going to Lucas, I swear. But I was scared of what it would do to us all so I didn't. The longer I left it the harder it was – then it didn't matter anymore and it seemed crazy to destroy your life when I didn't have to."

"Scared? You killed our child because you were scared? Peyton would have been hurt and yeah it would have ended us, but we would have made something Brooke. How could you?" The coldness in his voice stunned her and left her cold. The fury in his eyes left her weak, but the words themselves broke her heart. How could he think that of her? Before she knew it the imprint of her hand was red on his cheek and she realised she'd slapped him.

"Lucas I'm sorry I never meant to..." he cut her off savagely.

"Never meant to hit me, to kill our baby – or for me to find out. I was going to tell you I loved you Brooke that I wanted to give us the shot we never let ourselves have before. Now I can't even look at you." He stormed out and she didn't follow. She sank to the floor, tears rushing down her face. Did he know her at all? She hadn't ever planned on him knowing. Why would she?

_As the cramps took hold of her she sobbed. The curtain was pulled back and in rushed a tired Haley. Haley sat beside her and held her hand as Brooke was near doubled in pain. The ache in her heart however was greater._

"_Haley..." her voice broke on a sob. Haley smoothed back her hair, squeezed her hand and whispered soothing noises._

"_It's going to be okay Brooke, I promise." Brooke knew better. It would not be okay, nothing would be okay again. She'd woken the previous day knowing something was wrong. By midday she'd taken herself to the emergency room, the pain was so great. Waiting for a doctor she'd begun to bleed. They'd rushed her through. She'd called Haley. Haley had flown out knowing nothing other than the fact Brooke was in hospital, in tears and wanted no one there but Haley – nor did she want anyone else to know. The doctor told her that even though she was over the twelve week danger period it was not certain. Nothing in life was certain._

"_It's Lucas'" Brooke had not told a soul she was pregnant, she had to tell Lucas first and as she hadn't been able to find the words yet she had told no one. Now she was admitting the truth to Haley, she needed her friend badly and she wanted to share this pain with someone. Haley for her part continued to soothe her friend. Recognising the signs on what was happening even though the doctor had briefed her when she arrived. She remembered the night of Rachel's party, before they all went their separate ways. She remembered the kiss she'd witnessed between the two ex lovers, and she had suspected it had been more than a kiss before she'd discovered them. She'd never asked and neither had shared. Life continued on, only now she realised just how much the two had shared. Lucas did not know, that she was sure of. Therefore Peyton did not know either. She understood instantly that this was something between her and Brooke._

_Brooke felt a stickiness between her legs and the tears rolled fresh down her cheeks. It was over, the life she'd dreamed of was over. Her baby, Lucas' baby was dying inside her. She was having a miscarriage._


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to the people who reviewed and those who put this story on alerts. Once again I'm posting more since you've requested it.**

As the plane touched down Brooke felt sick, a mix of guilt and dread churning in the pit of her stomach. Almost three years since she'd been back here, she tried to convince herself she wasn't avoiding him, Tree Hill held nothing but memories of the weeks following her miscarriage. She'd hidden herself in the motel on the outskirts of town. Haley had been the only person who knew her whereabouts and the only one she saw. She told herself that's why she didn't come back here. Truthfully she was hiding from him. if she closed her eyes she could still see the look on his face, slinging hurtful accusations at her. The fact he thought she'd be able to do that broke her heart, while simultaneously making her burn with fury. She knew from Haley that he'd begun a relationship with his editor a year after she'd seen him. She knew it had lasted just over a year – right when Peyton went home to Tree Hill. Peyton had called to tell her she was heading home, Brooke knew there was only one reason the blonde would go back. She'd known then Lucas' relationship was doomed. Peyton had begged and pleaded for her to go back with her. Brooke wanted to go home, she was tired of New York. But she stood her ground and stayed put.

Two months later and Haley called, Jamie desperately wanted her to come to his birthday party. Brooke tried the usual excuses, what she didn't bargain on was Haley's manipulative side. Haley had given Jamie the phone. Brooke was simply unable to refuse Jamie Scott a single thing. Haley and Jamie had successfully played the guilt card, and now Brooke was back. She didn't want to see him, but it appeared what she wanted was just not enough. She wished for a drink to settle her nerves but figured it was inappropriate to be drinking just two hours prior to a children's party.

One hour to go. One hour until he saw Brooke Davis again. He felt his blood boil at the thought of her. She'd tainted every single thing in his life since he'd found out about the baby. He'd tried to make it work with Lindsey, but the truth was he was still too wrapped up in her. His thoughts to her were mostly vicious, however he couldn't forget the reason he'd gone to her that morning in New York. He felt like a fool in retrospect, planning on telling her he did still love her, maybe they had a chance now, away from Tree Hill, away from high school – away from Peyton. He wished fervently he hadn't suggested they say goodbye in the way they did on the beach that night. Instead of a goodbye it appeared to have ripped open everything they'd been. If it hadn't been for that night then maybe, now Peyton was back and wanting the things he had said he wanted three years ago he would be more certain of what to do. But that night had led to a baby, and however hard he tried to get the idea out of his head he couldn't. All he could see was his child, her child. Only there was no child, nor could there ever be now. He'd never be able to forgive her that much he knew.

Haley had instructed him he was in charge of answering the door and letting guests in. The problem with his best friend was that she saw a lot more than most did. It was unspoken between them that she knew there was something that had happened between him and Brooke. It wasn't too hard to figure out, he bristled the second her name was mentioned and never wanted to talk about her. Before New York he'd always asked about how she was doing. But his heart had been hardened to her now, he wouldn't allow feelings from his past to interfere. Peyton may have refused a naive proposal, but Brooke had killed his child. His love for Peyton had been damaged, for Brooke it had been annihilated. Maybe Brooke coming for this visit was a good thing, maybe it was just what he needed for him to see that his future was with Peyton.

Her hair was shorter. It was the first thing he saw when he opened the door to her. He tried to remain composed, not letting his anger show – nor to his dismay the hit of lust that filled him. He cursed his body's response to her. She looked stunning yet casual. She was tousled but not in a just stepped off a plane way, she was undeniably the most incredibly sexy woman he'd ever met in his life. She was also dead inside. She must be.

Her heart constricted in agony at the look on his face, but she painted a smile on her features simply because she knew this was Jamie's day. The last thing the boy would want was his godmother and godfather at each other's throats. But this would definitely be a hard day to get through. They didn't bother with pleasantries and she sauntered past him to find the birthday boy. Where Lucas was concerned she would be the picture of manners, if a little aloof. She remained tight lipped when he needled her, she didn't say a word as he made barely veiled insults about her. Instead she rose, excused herself from the present opening and went upstairs to the bathroom to pull herself together. Away from him she was able to feel anger about his treatment of her, his belief in her ability to destroy a baby – their baby – but when she was near him she felt pained for the same reasons.

She'd looked stricken as she excused herself, a swift kick to his shin warned him that to smooth things over as far as Haley was concerned he had better follow her. He had no plans to apologise but he needed to make it appear to Haley as though he had done so. He marched up the stairs to the bathroom and opened the door, he felt a little unsure when he saw her wiping a stray tear away. He recovered quickly.

"I didn't know you could feel emotion." He saw the reflection of her face in the mirror tighten and she turned to look at him. Her anger was now riding in waves from her.

"Stay away from me Lucas, I'm here for Jamie. The last thing on earth I ever wanted to do was step foot in Tree Hill again, or near you for that matter. He begged me and here I am."

"Somehow I find it hard to believe you'd be swayed by him so easily, after all it was simple enough to kill your own child." Her hand shot out, open palmed to hit him across the face. His reflexes were quick and he caught her arm, stopping her slapping him. The fury written over her features made her infinitely more shaggable. Once the thought had crossed his mind it was the only thing he could think.

"I hate you Lucas Scott." She tried to wrench her arm away from him as she spat venom at him. It was difficult to tell which was more surprised when his lips crashed on hers. As her hands pushed on his chest and her nails scratched his skin she couldn't deny the blood pumping faster through her veins, her desire apparent to them both. She had no idea how she could despise him so much and yet want him so badly at the same time.

He could hardly believe he'd kissed her. He'd spent so long hating her and yet he was simply unable to deny that the attraction to her was still as strong as ever – perhaps it was even heightened by the fury he felt towards her. Either way he knew he wanted her now. His hands gripped her upper arms in an attempt to stop her clawing at him, his tongue harshly forcing entry into her mouth. His teeth pulling her lips and biting a little. She whimpered in his hands and he felt powerful with her for the first time in his life. He took pleasure in ripping the expensive silk blouse she wore from her and while she cursed him he could see the pleasure in her eyes, the ill concealed lust and desire in her. With Brooke he'd always been so reverent of her, he loved her deeply and had been so careful with her, passion always there but never once had he been like this. His anger fuelled his passion deeper and he roughly pushed her skirt higher as he nipped at the skin around her neck. He forced his fingers into her and felt a rush of moisture greet him. She was desperate for him. He probed further inside of her and she shook against him, melting in his arms.

His free hand unhooked her bra and she managed to shimmer out of it. His mouth instantly going to her breast, gently biting her nipple while his hand roughly massaged her other breast. She moved down, forcing his fingers deeper inside of her, moaning and shaking as his thumb began to rub her clit. Her hands began to fumble with his jeans, attempting to free his rock hard cock. She was begging for him to enter her and he knew he'd explode soon if he didn't feel the wet, hot walls of her pussy gripping his pulsing cock like she was his fingers. In a smooth movement he spun her round and bent her sharply over the side of the bath tub. He rammed into her to the very hilt and she screamed with pleasure as his cock pushed her g-spot deep inside of her. Her hands braced against the wall as his thrust harder, faster, deeper inside of her. Her voice became breathy as she rode the waves of ecstasy to the brink, her body slick with sweat she felt more alive than she had done in years. She panted and moaned as he thrust harder still, as he hit her g-spot again she felt her orgasm overtake her as she fell over the edge, just as the world came back into focus again she felt another orgasm stirring in her, the heat rising through her body and she knew Lucas was about to come, another thrust to hit her g-spot and he reached under her and his thumb once again began to press and rub her clit forcing her to a new orgasm. As Brooke came again her pussy pulsated and clutched his cock pulling him over with her and he had a vague feeling her bellowed her name. She fell to her knees and sagged her upper body against the bath tub completely worn.

She turned as he was pulling his trousers back up. She held up her expensive blouse, utterly unwearable now.

"What am I going to do about this?" He almost sneered at her when he replied.

"It's not my problem, figure it out Brooke." With that he opened the door and left her there. Embarrassed she pulled her skirt down and her panties up. She slipped her bra back on and wrapped the torn blouse round her. She opened the door and checked no one was there before slipping in Haley's room. She opened the closet and pulled out a simple t-shirt. She checked her face in the mirror before heading back downstairs to the party.

"Isn't that mine?" Haley was at the bottom of the stairs as she stepped down.

"I figured a two hundred dollar blouse was probably not wise attire for a children's party with water guns and chocolate cake. You don't mind do you?"

"Don't be silly, I'm just glad you're here. Did Lucas apologise?" Brooke averted her gaze over to watching Jamie.

"Lucas and I certainly shared something."

He was haunted by what he'd just done with Brooke. He hated himself a little for still wanting her as a badly as he did, for he knew that if the opportunity arose he would do it again. He'd felt guilt when she reappeared in one of Haley's t-shirts. He also felt hugely irresponsible and stupid. The reason he was in this mess, the reason he hated her so stemmed from them being irresponsible and not using protection on the beach. It had been too unplanned and spur of the moment, much like now had been. And once again he'd not used protection. He was a fool pure and simple. If Brooke did end up pregnant again she would probably repeat the last time. And he cursed himself and her for being the way they were. He needed to cut himself free from her and there was only one way of doing that, reigniting things with Peyton.

She had thought for a second that there was a chance she'd be able to talk to him, and while she knew she could still try she was hurt and she was stubborn and she didn't want to tell him what really happened when he could be such an ass. It seemed infinitely easier to say nothing and leave things be. Lucas Scott was an ass – he just happened to be an ass that she was incapable of not having sex with. It seemed so simple. He hated her and she despised him, so why on earth had they just had some of the best sex of her life in the bathroom of their best friend's house at their godson's birthday party. There was no logic to their actions. But then had there ever been. It was illogical that they'd slept together on the beach five years ago. When it came to one another they clearly needed to stay away from each other.

* * *

Brooke taking care of that child was the worst thing to have happened to him since New York. He'd been making things work with Peyton. But the hatred and bitterness of watching the brunette with the baby girl was eating him up inside. She shouldn't be allowed to care for a child when she'd killed his baby. Peyton knew things weren't right of that he was sure. There were times he thought if Brooke hadn't stayed in Tree Hill his life would be near perfect, maybe he and Peyton would be thinking about a family of their own now. He sighed deeply.

"Figured you'd be here." He turned his head and saw his best friend approaching him. She took in the sight before her, Peyton's love letter to him sprawled across the River Court. She wanted a future with him and he was still holding back. She thought it was because of L.A. but it wasn't. How could he even begin to explain to her the truth? "Peyton really knows how to make a statement doesn't she?" Haley sat beside him, both crossed legged on the tarmac.

"She just needs some idea of where this is going."

"Where is it going?" He shrugged. "Lucas can you remember the night of the boy toy auction junior year. I was so scared that night, I was falling in love for the first time and I was so unsure and I did it. And while it hasn't been easy, it has been everything. We're not kids anymore Luke you know, it really hurts me what you're doing. You need to give her an answer."

"I proposed to her and she said no, I can't help it if I'm conflicted now because of that Hales."

"Don't give me that Luke. I'm being honest with you now right now and you need to be honest with yourself. What do you want? If Peyton's the girl you're in love with great. But if she's not, if maybe the reason you can't give her what she wants if because Brooke is the girl you want that's great too just please, stop hiding your heart. I mean it." He felt a swell on anger in him that Haley could suggest such a thing. He'd loved Brooke once that was true, and while he may not be able to stop his sexual attraction to her she certainly no longer meant anything to him.

"It isn't Brooke. I don't even like her Haley. She's a cold bitch." He regretted saying it as soon as the words were out. Haley's stunned expression was enough for him to know he'd crossed a line. Haley loved Brooke and he'd made a mistake.

"I don't know what's going on with you two, what's been going on since you saw her in New York. But I know there's something you're not telling me, and she certainly doesn't deserve what you're saying. I mean god, cold bitch is she? You know she's dying right now because she fell in love with a little girl who she selflessly took care of to save her life even though she always knew that little girl would be going home. She's got a heart of gold and I never want to hear that crap from you again, whatever your issues are." He stood and stormed away from Haley, his back was to her as he stared out over the water.

"I hate that everyone loves her so much. She's selfless and loving and all that crap. Well she's not Haley. She killed my baby!" Seconds passed and then he felt Haley's hand on his shoulder.

"What are you talking about?"

"We slept together the night before she left for L.A. with Peyton after graduation. She got pregnant. But being as you obviously don't see a baby Hales, guess what. She killed my baby because it would make things awkward." He felt the anger rolling off him in waves.

"She told you that?"

"She didn't tell me anything I saw the scan picture and figured the rest out for myself."

"I know you slept with her." His eyes widened as he looked at his friend.

"She told you that?"

"About three months after she'd left, I got this call. She was sobbing down the phone at me, near hysterical. All I could get out of her was she was in the hospital, she needed me and I couldn't tell a soul. When I got there she was a wreck Luke, I've never seen her so broken. The doctor explained she was miscarrying her baby. I sat with her as her baby slipped out of her body and I held her as she cried. We came back to Tree Hill and I looked after her while she spent a month camped out in some crummy motel just outside of town. Brooke never had an abortion, she didn't kill your baby, she had a miscarriage."

"How the hell was Brooke pregnant with your child Lucas? When was she pregnant with your child?" Lucas and Haley spun round at the pained voice. Peyton was stood there, tears in her eyes.

"The summer after high school, we...it was meant to a goodbye, no one would ever know." Lucas felt the worst he'd felt in his life. Not only had he ignored Brooke for three years and been awful to her since she'd come to Tree Hill six months ago he believed something so terrible of her, but he was hurting Peyton now. He was the one who'd ruined everything – not Brooke. Peyton's eyes were brimming with tears and then she fled. He started to follow her before Haley called his name.

"Lucas, you know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is actually really healing and beautiful... sort of poetic? It's not. It's just garbage and it's pain. You know what's better? Love. The day you start thinking love is overrated is the day that you're wrong. The only thing wrong with love, and faith, and belief is not having it. Before you follow her make sure she's the one you should have faith in, the one you believe in – the girl you love." He nodded and then went.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and put this story on alert, it's been an amazing response for something that was originally just meant to be a one shot.**

**Hopefully I will have a new chapter for Starting Over posted within the next two days, and Broken by the weekend. Are You Happy Now? will be updated next week if everything runs to schedule.**

**Song is Alice Cooper - Poison**

She shivered as she stood and wrapped the blanket tighter around her. The banging on her door was beyond insistent and she was ready to be furious with whoever was on the other side. She opened the door and before her eyes could register the person on the other side she felt lips crashing onto hers. Her body responded instantly as her nipples hardened, lust zipped through her body and heat coursed her veins. She let a moan escape her lips and she pressed herself against him. His hands were cupping her face and his lips so hard against hers. She felt liquid under his touch, amazed that despite months of not speaking her body still craved his like she was a junkie and he was her drug.

_Your cruel device  
Your blood, like ice  
One look could kill  
My pain, your thrill  
_

Despite the desire shooting through her veins she managed to cool her ardour for him simply by remembering Jamie's party. The contemptuous way he'd regarded her after he'd screwed her gave her the motivation she needed to shove him away from her. She knew there was little point in trying to pretend to him she didn't like or want what he was doing to her. But she had resolved after the last time that she would not allow it to happen again. To him she was little more than a whore and she would not be treat like that. She accepted it may be how she'd acted in the past but it certainly wasn't who she was. Only he managed to get her to respond so hotly to his advances when her love had turned bitter months ago.

"I'm better than this Lucas, you need to go. Besides surely at this hour Peyton will wonder where you are." She knew the bitterness was clear for him to hear in her voice but she didn't care. With him and Peyton making another attempt at their relationship and Angie gone Brooke didn't see there was that much keeping her in Tree Hill, it had seemed wise coming home when she realised how much she missed her friends. Truth was she couldn't stay here and watch while they moved away from her poisoned by his hatred for her – despite the fact he still craved her body his heart was hard to her and she was hell bent on ensuring hers became the same way to him.

"Peyton and I weren't properly together and now we're not at all. Brooke this is more than lust despite the fact I can't ever, no matter how hard I've tried in the past to deny my desire for you, this is because I love you." Her head swam and she wondered if she were actually asleep, this couldn't possibly be real. She questioned whether on earth this could be true. For months now, years even Lucas had held hatred for her because he assumed something terrible of her, now he was saying it didn't even matter.

"If you believe that then you're even less intelligent than your mother thinks you are." The sound of the third, familiar voice turned Brooke's stomach and she felt like she was a latecomer to a party. "How many times Brooke?" The tone in her voice ensured Brooke had no need at all to ask what the blonde woman referred to. She obviously knew, that's why Lucas was here. All out of other options.

"Once, it was supposed to be goodbye Peyton. No one need ever know." She could leave it at that, technically it was the truth, but Brooke knew there was so much more to it than that. "But the night after you broke up, when Lucas came to New York to meet Lindsey for the first time...Jamie's birthday."

"Free agent by then wasn't he? Was it revenge Brooke, for what I did to you?"

"No, it wasn't planned Peyton, any time."

"Don't say it just happened – there has to be a reason." Peyton was absolutely right there had to be a reason, people didn't just have sex with people without a reason, be it financial gain, marital rights, and drunken foolishness there was always a reason. And their reason was the simplest of all.

"Lust. The beach was, we just went to say goodbye. One semi-innocent touch and it ignited something, a fire that had never really gone out. But it was end of that era and instead of walking away we both agreed to one night." She felt ashamed then, she felt used and dirty and betrayed once more. Peyton smiled at her.

"Our friendship is done now Brooke, we've hurt each other too much to continue now. I'm hurt and angry but I still remember the pre-Lucas years when we were everything to each other. Don't let him fool you. He doesn't love you, he doesn't love me. Back in high school Nathan was a good guy in ass clothing, Lucas is an ass in good guy clothing." With no hysterics or recriminations Peyton left, the most dignified Brooke had ever seen her. She felt bereft knowing Peyton was gone from her life forever now.

"Brooke don't listen to her, it was always you Brooke Davis. I know I messed up but it was always you. I love you Brooke." He moved towards her, ready to place a soft hand on her skin but she jumped back.

_I want to love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)  
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)  
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison  
You're poison running through my veins  
You're poison, I don't want to break these chains  
_

Her wide doeful eyes stared at him and he knew he was screwing this up. He hadn't planned this at all and he knew barging in and kissing her after the past few months was not the way to go. Particularly not after the last time. Peyton arriving hadn't helped and he knew Brooke's nature would always be to question him anyway. The problem was he had always loved her, even when he'd thought she'd aborted his baby he'd loved her. Haley telling him that there had been no abortion, instead a tragic miscarriage he knew then that he could allow himself to love her. That they could have the life he wanted so badly because she did want the same things.

"And the abortion?" He smiled at her, so relieved that she was the girl he'd always thought she was and not the person he believed she'd become.

"I know Brooke, there was a miscarriage." And he came forward, mistaking her silence for happiness and he kissed her deeply.

_Your mouth, so hot  
Your web, I'm caught  
Your skin, so wet  
Black lace on sweat  
_

She recoiled in horror from his kiss. He was here because Peyton didn't want him, and he could justify it because there had been no abortion. She couldn't pinpoint what hurt more, the fact that he only wanted her now, or that he could ever believe she'd abort her child – their child. Her heart pounded in her chest and she heard the thumping in her head. With a strength she'd no idea she had she moved, unexpectedly so and managed to force him out the door, slamming it closed on him. She couldn't think when he was around her, a heady combination of lust and the lingering feelings of love. She sank down to the floor, idly wondering how long he'd pound on her door calling her name.

_I hear you calling and it's needles and pins (And pins)  
I want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name  
Don't want to touch you but you're under my skin (Deep in)  
I want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison  
You're poison running through my veins  
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains  
Poison  
_

She wanted him to understand the pain he'd caused her, but more than understand it she wanted him to feel it. She wanted to hurt him like he'd hurt her so he too could try and make sense of how a body could want someone so badly while a heart and mind were destroyed by that same person's actions. The months in Tree Hill had tormented her more deeply those the years in New York. Out there she'd been able to forget just how difficult it was to accept that Lucas could believe that of her. But in Tree Hill it was blatantly obvious. She had argued with herself once or twice over the years, increasingly so since being in Tree Hill that perhaps she should just tell him the truth and then he'd know. But of course she chose not to, her reasons being twofold, she wanted Lucas to have known her well enough to know she wouldn't have chosen an abortion, but she was scared he would accuse her of lying to excuse the action he believed she'd taken. Twice the betrayal would have been much more than she could handle. So she'd said nothing, choosing instead to believe – at first – that given time he'd see how wrong he'd gotten it. But the months had turned to years and eventually the pain had given way to anger. She'd been prepared to give him another chance when she finally came here, but the way he'd treated her at the party confirmed one thing to her – Lucas Scott saw her as gutter trash, no morals and no feelings. And admittedly where he was concerned she had been willing all too eagerly to give into lust instead of considering the consequences of her actions.

_One look could kill  
My pain, your thrill  
I want to love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)  
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)  
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison  
You're poison running through my veins  
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains  
Poison  
_

He'd royally screwed this up. The crazy thing was that now he knew the truth it was obvious. The actions of Brooke Davis since the 'abortion' had always confused him. Her obvious love for her godson, her willingness to adopt and even more touchingly take a sick child into her home only for the duration of the period in this country to make her well fitted with the girl he'd known before New York. Yet he'd let himself paint a black picture of her and he just didn't understand why he'd done it. Why he had thrown an accusation at her and never once actually talked to her about it. He should have known better of course that was the bottom line, and he'd never stopped loving her. Which begged the question how did he love her when he thought her capable of something he so fundamentally disagreed with? The obvious answer being he couldn't. So either he didn't really love her, or he didn't really believe she'd had an abortion. Maybe the truth was in that, deep down he didn't really believe she'd done what he'd accused. So why had he?

_I want to love you but I better not touch (Don't touch)  
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)  
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison, yeah  
I don't want to break these chains  
Poison, oh no  
Runnin' deep inside my veins,  
Burnin' deep inside my veins  
It's poison  
I don't wanna break these chains_

_Poison_

The problem was that underneath the hurt, the pain and the anger she did still love him. But she knew just as strongly that he was not the guy for her. So the best course of action was to go back to New York. To stay away from him, because if she didn't she knew she'd give into him, the touch of his lips still burned her and she knew she'd never be able to withstand him, she'd done it once and she knew that if he tried a few more times she would give in – and the following day despise herself more. The bigger problem however was she was unsure whether she actually wanted to stop loving him, rather the opposite. She wished she could love him forever – but she wished he felt the same.

**I can't promise I'll be able to please everyone with the end and I'm not sure how many more chapters there'll be. I'm not completely sure that I can turn things round for Brucas so I'm leaving it to you guys – would you prefer Brooke to eventually forgive Lucas, or for her to realise that despite loving him he's just betrayed her one too many times?**


	5. Chapter 5

"It's my birthday!" Brooke smiled into the phone at the jubilant voice on the other end.

"I know it is handsome."

"It's a special birthday Aunt Brooke, I'm in double figures!"

"No way, you can't be in double figures already!"

"I am Aunt Brooke I'm ten whole years old today." Brooke chuckled.

"Well I hope your present was good enough for a boy in double figures because I bought it thinking that you were still in singles."

"Aunt Brooke it was awesome, you're the best present buyer ever!" Brooke felt a swell of happiness in her chest that Jamie adored her so much. Her godson was certainly adorable, intelligent and demanding. She felt proud of the bond she'd managed to maintain with him "Dad wants to talk to you."

"Okay buddy, I'll see you soon bye." Brooke heard some shuffling the other end of the phone before Nathan's smooth rich voice met her ear.

"Long time Davis," Brooke smiled at the way he never addressed her as anything else. She wondered what he'd do after next week. "Haley's settling Megan for the night but she wanted me to check you had everything under control."

"I sure do, you know me Nathan I love planning a party and I love weddings so I've been entirely in my element. You are still coming two days before for any last minute clothing alterations right. Plus it's been forever since I saw my favourite godson and his beautiful baby sister."

"You know that should be godchildren Brooke, and you know it needn't have been so long." Haley knew exactly why Brooke insisted upon no mention of Tree Hill, why she would never visit and why despite the desire to be Megan's godmother like she was Jamie's she had declined the offer and stayed away from the christening. Nathan however good he usually was still occasionally through in the comments.

"Tree Hill and I don't mix Nathan. Anyway let's not fight now, I can't wait to see you all and this will be the first time you meet Christopher."

"I feel like I maybe should have met him before Brooke."

"I don't need you vetting anyone Nathan – not when Victoria's around." They had a brief conversation about flight details before both hung up. Brooke looked round her vast apartment now full of boxes, the movers would be arriving early the next morning and she still had to make a start on her bedroom. It felt strange to be leaving this place, it had been home for the five and half years she'd been back in New York. She made her way into her bedroom and picked up the box, the reason that selling this place and buying somewhere new was the right choice for her. The address of this place and the memories of the room she had previously used as her master suite was the last link with a past that was too painful to remember. She questioned why on earth she'd kept this box going over the years, within it there were 279 unopened letters. She'd received the first one days after her moonlight flit from Tree Hill back to New York. The writing on it and the ridiculous amount of unanswered calls on her cell phone was enough for her to know the author of the letter. Unable to read it and yet unable to throw it away she'd just thrown it in a drawer in her desk. The following week another arrived, and then the next week. Every single week she'd received a letter, after the first six months the drawer was literally overflowing and she'd transferred them to this box. Almost a full five years after she'd started the box there were 279 letters, each unopened and each from him.

Curiosity had almost gotten the better of her on more than one occasion. But she'd held herself back successfully each time she'd felt weak. Her curiosity had risen when she'd become serious with Christopher, she'd made sure Haley had passed the information on. Two years later and he was still writing the letters. She wondered if she'd receive anymore after next week, not that it mattered by the time she was back in New York she wouldn't be collecting mail from her old address anymore. He could write all he wanted – she wouldn't get them. She placed the box on the vanity in her bathroom, she would not pack them. She may not be able to destroy them, but she would leave them behind. This place was still officially hers for another two weeks, but she was moving out tomorrow because otherwise she'd not get another chance.

She fingered the ring on her left hand, it wasn't the ring she'd always pictured there but it was stylish and not too big. The proposal had been less romantic than she'd dreamed of, he hadn't even purchased the ring. Whether he had been thinking of letting her choose it to ensure she had the exact one she wanted or whether he was practical enough to not buy a ring without a secure 'yes' had crossed her mind more than once. Christopher was utterly practical, she'd suggested letting this apartment when she left but he'd insisted on selling, after all they'd be looking for a place in Scarsdale or Westchester once they got back so why have two places in the city, financially it didn't make sense. Brooke hadn't pointed out that she didn't need the money from this place to afford a family place outside New York. Christopher loved the fact she was successful, but he wasn't overly keen on her being more successful than him. Christopher liked the traditional idea of being a provider, and certainly earned enough to keep any woman happy. The fact she earned more was rarely addressed. Her surplus cash instead went on charities, her friends and herself. Christopher was buying the Scarsdale place, she was buying the New York City apartment, the fact that he decreed the money from their existing properties should buy the new ones was just the way things were. Brooke knew better than to suggest otherwise.

The ironic thing was however frustrating the financial situation got the thing that attracted Brooke to Christopher was his traditional values. After her childhood it was of the utmost importance that she be with someone who understood how important it was to her that they both subscribe to the happy, traditional style family values her parents had never given her. The fact he wanted a boy and two girls whereas she wanted two boys and one girl was neither here nor there. Both wanted three children and what they got they'd be happy with. She told herself not to think about the fact she saw her children having blue eyes when both she and Christopher had dark eyes. She'd compared them at first, the truth was Christopher was the better man in more ways than she could tally. She refused to listen to the small part of her heart that insisted love could not be rationalised by items on some checklist.

They'd met at a charity event and he'd paid the man next to her to switch seats with him, he'd pursued her following that evening until eventually she'd agreed to just one drink. One drink had turned into dinner, which then became dancing. Christopher had made her laugh and smile in a way she'd not done in years. As she spent more time with him she relished the image he had of her, and that was the first favourable comparison in his favour. She knew Christopher would never think her capable of what he had. If her body didn't respond to Christopher quite as strongly as it had to him she told herself it didn't matter. Love, relationships, marriage and family were about more than instant gratification and lust. With Christopher she had a real future based on trust, honesty and love. With him she'd had hot sex and mutual distaste mostly.

* * *

He pushed the thin envelope through the opening and with heavy heart turned to walk home. He certainly wasn't naive enough to believe that letter 280 would be any different to the previous 279. A part of him strongly hoped that she hadn't read them, it was easier to think that than the idea she had and didn't care. At first he'd begged for forgiveness, later though he'd begun to just talk to her, about anything and everything like he once had. He'd tried to establish a friendship with her after the first time he'd broken her heart. Letters had seemed appropriate when she wouldn't take his calls. After a month he'd flown to New York, she'd refused to see him at her office and had the doorman turn him away from her building. He'd returned disheartened but not defeated and continued writing her letters. Letters had been their thing, he'd hoped that not only would it allow him to communicate with her it would remind her of that summer, and the start of their relationship when they'd both been so happy.

His family were flying to New York the next day, she was getting married in three days. He'd considered flying out there and trying to stop it but knew better. She wouldn't suddenly realise that she loved him if he showed up at her wedding. Besides Haley had warned him to stay away. Haley had been a confidante for him, but she'd betrayed nothing about how Brooke felt. She had informed him that Brooke had expressly asked that he be informed of her serious relationship with Christopher. He had briefly wondered whether it was a way of hurting him, but when news of an engagement came through he knew it wasn't. She was trying to tell him to move on – because she had. It had been such a long engagement he did wonder if a wedding would ever happen. But after reading the newspaper one day he'd seen the article on the 'wedding of the decade'. That was why it was taking so long, over eighteen months in planning. The plain truth was Brooke Davis was getting married. He had questioned why he still wrote to her after so long with no response when she was getting married to someone else. The simple fact was he loved her, and he needed her in his life. Still writing to her allowed him the pretence of her being around, and honestly he just wanted his chance to explain things to her, face to face. He didn't think she would love him again, or forgive him. but he wanted her to at least know the truth, and to be able to visit her godchildren in Tree Hill. The very fact she'd turned down the chance to be Megan's godmother in order to avoid him confirmed how much she still hated him, not that he blamed her. The last time he'd seen her had been disastrous, nothing could erase that. He'd returned the next morning to apologise for the previous night, to beg her to talk to him like two adults about the entire mess. She'd already gone, packed up and flown to New York within the space of eight hours.

He'd taken up jogging again, Nathan usually came with him to settle Haley and his mother's nerves at him pushing himself too hard. Neither of them spoke while they jogged, each man using the silence to contemplate his own thoughts. Lucas loved the peace and tranquillity, it reminded him of a simpler time. He almost laughed at the thought, he'd thought at the time his life would never be more confusing or messier than it was in high school, instead he'd continued to screw everything up. Even now he remembered what Peyton had said to Brooke before she left. He was an 'ass in good guy's clothing'. He'd been angry and blind when he heard it but the amount of times it had replayed in his head had shown him just how right she had been. He didn't exactly regret the beach, but in retrospect he knew he should not have done it, should not have encouraged her to either. She had been ready to pull away knowing it was wrong and he hadn't. What kind of man would do that? Push a girl to betray her best friend, particularly when only months earlier the girls' roles had been reversed.

But that was his problem, there was so much he wanted to tell her, explain to her and yet he had almost accepted that he'd never get that chance. She wouldn't listen to him, and she'd probably destroyed each and every letter he'd ever written her.

**A/N: I know this one is a little short but I just wanted to set up where the next chapter is coming from. Thanks for all the reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Two chapters in one day! This is to thank everyone for all the reviews.**

At this very moment he knew Brooke would be getting ready to go to her wedding, the car would be arriving for her pretty soon. The thought made him sick to his stomach. So he did the only thing he could do – he ran. He pounded the streets of Tree Hill like he always used to, trying to block out the image of her marrying someone else, pledging her life and her love to a man that wasn't him. quite possibly the worst thought though was that it could have been him, if he had just been more patient, more understanding and less of an ass it might well have been him she married. The torture was knowing that nothing he'd done had made him worthy of her, and that this man – he obviously was. This man clearly gave her everything he'd never given her. He deserved her and Lucas didn't. So he ran harder and he ran faster, but he'd never outrun his demons.

* * *

Brooke took a deep breath trying to stop the butterflies in her stomach. Her nerves were unjustified she knew, she had planned this wedding with military precision and everything was going to plan. Well everything except the fact that as she was about to walk through the doors of the Plaza the brunette man who was walking her down the aisle had answered his phone. Both she and Haley cursed Nathan for even having it switched on, but he insisted he'd be just a minute so now she was left to contend with her nerves for longer. Damn Nathan Scott! Jamie was adorable in his little tux and two year old Megan was beautiful in her little dress, ready to walk down the aisle in front of her as her flower girl. She told herself it wouldn't be long now until she was married and starting her own family. She didn't notice Nathan until he was almost on top of them all.

"I'm sorry Brooke but we can't go in there with you. We have to go." He looked somehow dishevelled despite the fact he'd only been outside for five minutes, perhaps less. His eyes were wild with what she thought was panic.

"Nathan honey what do you mean, it's Brooke's big day." Haley sounded stunned and a little incredulous at her husband's actions. He turned to his wife.

"It's Lucas." Brooke's heart skipped a beat at his words and she cursed the brooding author. She should have known he'd try and ruin this for her. She was hardening herself to tell Nathan to ignore him, she didn't care if he was in town planning on coming here that's what security was for. "He's in hospital, Hales it sounds bad we have to go home." Haley nodded stunned and both Scotts reached for a child. Haley leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Brooke's cheek.

"I'm sorry Brooke, but we can't stay." Brooke nodded unable to do anything else as she watched the family hurry away. Before she could form a thought the door opened and her mother slipped out.

"Come on Brooke we're all waiting." Victoria didn't even bother asking where the bridal party were, she didn't care. The doors were opened and the wedding march began as Brooke began to walk up the aisle. She looked around her at her dream wedding, at every single perfect detail and she reached the front, her future husband waiting looking dashing in his Clothes Over Bros original tuxedo. And the butterflies exploded and she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Brooke sweetheart are you okay?" She looked up into his concerned chocolate eyes and felt a rush of panic and pain. She shook her head and he reached out for her hand.

"Chris I can't do this, I need to go home, to Tree Hill." He smiled awkwardly at her and patted her hand and she felt tears rising in her eyes.

"Brooke I've cold feet too if it makes you feel any better – but what's in Tree Hill?" He is. The words hit her like a fist in her gut. As ridiculous as it seemed she couldn't stand here and get married while he could possibly be thousands of miles away – dying. The thought was impossible to hold in her head.

"Someone I care about is in hospital, Nathan just got the call. They've rushed off to go home and I have to go with them. I can't smile and be happy while I don't know what's happening. I love you, I want to marry you but I can't do it now, not until I know everything's okay." He stayed in stunned silence as she pushed herself up to place a kiss on his lips. She knew there was the chance that if she left now there wouldn't be another shot for them, but it was a risk she had to take. So she picked up the hem of her exquisite dress and she ran back down the aisle amid shocked gasps.

Hailing a cab in her wedding dress was surprisingly easy, putting up with the guy trying to quiz her on her dress was not as easy. She tried calling Nathan and got no answer, five minutes later she saw Haley calling her.

"Aren't you in the middle of the ceremony?"

"I'm in a cab going to get changed. I'm coming with you." Haley gasped down the phone.

"But Brooke what about your wedding?"

"I can't get married while things are like this."

"There's only one seat on the flight out tonight, Nathan's going tonight and I'm going in the morning with the children. I'll call the airline and book you a ticket too."

"Thanks Hales. Does he know what happened?" Brooke heard the hesitation before Haley spoke.

"He'd been for a jog. A passerby saw him collapse." Haley didn't need to say the words for them to both know what the probable cause for his collapse was. "I'll call you later Brooke with the flight details we're just at the hotel now." As Brooke bid Haley farewell the cab pulled up outside her building. She paid quickly and disappeared upstairs. She changed out of her dress and into jeans and a t-shirt. She unpacked her overnight bag and repacked it with Tree Hill appropriate clothing rather than Seychelles appropriate clothing. She knew Chris would be back here soon and as cruel as it was she couldn't face him. He'd want to know who she was going to Tree Hill for and she had no idea how to begin to explain it all. She didn't really know herself. She scribbled a note telling him she'd call when she knew more and that she loved him. Then she fled. She knew she could go to Haley at the hotel but felt a need to be alone. So she went to the obvious place – her old apartment. As she unlocked the door she felt a sense of detachment. She'd left a few pieces of furniture she'd no longer needed here, her bed included. She went and sat cross legged on it, staying there for but a moment before she threw herself into the bathroom to vomit.

She fell back against the tub and her eye hit on it. The box of his letters. For so many years she ignored any desire she had to open them, yet now knowing he may well be dying she found herself overwhelmed by her need to know what he'd felt so important to say that he'd written for so long without response. She gingerly picked up the box and went back in the bedroom. She settled herself down and picked up the first letter. She carefully examined the envelope as if it held some clue as to the content of the letter. She slipped her finger inside the slightly worn envelope and pulled it open. The letter slid easily from the envelope and she carefully unfolded it, afraid that now she'd finally opened it after all the years it would crumble before she read the words.

_Brooke_

_I'm sure you know me enough to know I came to find you the morning after we last spoke. You, obviously were gone and I do understand why. A lot has happened in such a small space of time and I realise you must need time to take stock of everything._

_I don't know if you'll read this letter since you won't take my calls but I want to apologise – for so many things. We managed to screw so many things up and it's because we were undeniable. I see now that I always loved you and pretending otherwise was only ever a mistake._

She threw the letter down, angry with herself for bothering to open it. She was angry with him for making things sound so very different from the way they were. Hadn't he written in his novel that everything he'd done was a denial of the fact he loved Peyton. Now his words were almost identical about her. She flicked through the letters and chose one that must have been at least a year later.

_Brooke_

_Thanks to my somewhat anal nature I kept copies of the letters I've sent to you. I actually reread them the other day. The thing that strikes me most is how wrong I was. My first letter should have apologised for that day in New York. I jumped to a hideous conclusion about you and I simply have no defence for that leap. My subsequent behaviour all based upon one stupid assumption was unforgivable so I won't even ask for that – which is probably just as well since I suspect even if you read the first few letters you will have stopped by now._

_I have done something this past year that I've never done before I took time out. It doesn't seem like a huge step but as well you know me I've found it near impossible to stay away from either you or Peyton. Of course there's the argument I haven't stayed away from you as I write every week, but honestly I feel that lately it's been more like writing to a distant pen pal. But I have remained single and instead of jumping from one to the other I've allowed myself time to reflect._

_The truth is New York was an obvious apology, a somewhat less obvious apology but I feel equally necessary is this – I'm sorry that I walked away so easily. I swore I was the guy for you and when you broke up with me I just gave up. I won't insult your intelligence by saying I didn't love Peyton because we both know I did. As a writer it's always the audience that seeks that ultimate love, the one that succeeds above all else but I have learnt that sometimes in real life it just doesn't work like that._

_Senior year I loved you like nothing else, by the end I did love Peyton. You were right in thinking that there was something between Peyton and me. I confess that Peyton confided in me how she told you she loved me the night before Haley and Nathan's second wedding. I won't pretend to understand how that made you feel and obviously I could not control her feelings or that she expressed them to you. I did express my dislike of what she'd done when she told me, by which point it was much too late to change anything._

_What I should have better controlled was my own behaviour. Regardless of whether I understood the rift when you, my girlfriend, the one I loved asked me to stay away from Peyton I should have done so. It wasn't my place to overrule you and work on the arrogant assumption that I could fix the problem. For you to walk into my room the following day and find us laughing and joking must have caused you such pain. So here begins the apology Brooke Davis – I was a lousy boyfriend to you towards the end which is particularly sad when we started with such promise, love and hope._

_As I said previously I won't lie and claim I didn't love Peyton as I did. But I want you to know that despite the kiss in the library on the day of shooting – which were extraordinary circumstances – I would never have betrayed you or hurt you purposely then. I loved you with everything I had and everything I was. Obviously you'll question that, if it were the case how did I end up with Peyton so soon, and if I could cheat on her with you why not vice versa. Peyton was an avenue that needed to be explored. I see that now and I saw it then. There was no hope for us back then and there was every chance Peyton and I could be good together. I loved Peyton then, but I needed to say goodbye to you. I needed closure and peace because while I loved her no one has ever made me feel as alive as you did. Peyton and I could easily have been happy together, it's why I proposed. I think you and I could have been happier._

_Forever yours_

_Lucas_

She wondered if life would have been different if he'd stayed away from Peyton as she'd asked him to. Truth was Peyton told Brooke the truth not out of some need to be honest but because she knew Brooke would walk away leaving an open path for her. Brooke knew that but had forgiven her because she'd had no choice. She could either forgive them both or lose half the only family she'd ever truly known. She picked up the next letter and opened it. It was chatty and conversational and not once did it broach the subject of them. The next dozen or so followed the same pattern and Brooke found herself enraptured by the pictures his words created, images of his life and of Naley and their children. He recounted anecdotes of Jamie Scott's adventures and she found herself laughing at the stories no one ever thought to tell her over the phone.

_Brooke_

_A couple of months ago I told you that it felt like you were a distant pen pal like this, and it really does. What I realise now is that it is easier to talk to you like this than face to face. In letters I can almost forget all the mistakes I've made with you, and even the few you made with me. I remember you telling me you wrote letters the summer before senior year, ones you never sent because it was too hard. I find it the opposite, it's easier to be honest with myself and with you like this than it ever is in person._

_I was scared._

_I know I've not really mentioned the baby, our baby in any letter, nor have I mentioned New York for a while but I have to tell you. I was scared. It sounds insanely simple when I write it but it was the immense truth. When I set off from my hotel in the morning to see you I knew I loved you, I was ready to give it a shot. Seeing the scan picture at first I was scared I was too late. But the truth is I was scared before I even saw you. I think deep down I knew Brooke that it would have been the last shot we got, that if we made it we would have been for keeps. I was scared of the immensity of that thought. Suddenly I felt so young, faced with the idea of a baby I realised just how unprepared I was for the future I thought I wanted._

_It was easier to turn that fear into something else, something ugly. I know I should have given you chance to tell me what had happened, but in that second I allowed my fear to become anger and while some of it was fair – you should have told me at the time – mostly I was a fool. There's no reason for you to believe anything I tell you, you'll probably think I can only say this in retrospect but deep down I think I had to know you wouldn't have done that. Even when we were miles apart after I came home I thought about you, some bad and some good but I did still love you. It tormented and confused me because of what I accused you of. I truly believe that my heart knew better and it was my head that caused the problems. My heart continued to love you because it knew you well enough to recognise my head had to be wrong._

_I cannot justify my actions but I wish to mitigate my reasons for being scared with just one thing. I accept why you broke up with me, I did act poorly towards you but I hope you can accept why I feared you in some way. You acted the way you thought best senior year and I know it left you heartbroken – but Brooke Davis you destroyed me. There were no words that would have brought you back and I had been so convinced you were the one. You left me and I was devastated. You found it hard to try again because I'd hurt you, well New York was MY second time round and I was scared of getting hurt again. I hope you can at least understand that, it doesn't excuse my actions but it is the truth._

_Forever yours_

_Lucas_

She'd always believed that breaking up with Lucas had been the right thing for him, the speed in which he and Peyton found one another had been her confirmation. It had told her that he hadn't been too hurt by their break up. But she'd thrown herself into partying and boys and her 'old' Brooke ways as soon as she'd walked away from him. Perhaps he had thrown his feelings at something or someone else because it was easier than confronting the pain. Their problem it seemed had always been lack of communication – a fact Lucas was obviously intent on making up for.

_Hey Cheery_

_Only a month until your big day, part of me wishes I could see it. Brooke Davis has always been a sucker for weddings so I can only imagine how amazing yours will be. Of course I know that I'm not welcome and even my desire to see your wedding would not outweigh my desire to stay away. While I accept you have moved on and Haley tells me you're very happy I wish that I had had the opportunity to make things right with you._

_I suppose in some ways it is only right that we didn't have that chance, we never did quite manage to be just friends and I am certain I could not watch you marry someone else. On the whole I try not to focus on your new life. Haley tells me you're moving soon so I know my letters will have to stop as I don't imagine you'll be sending me a forwarding address. So my grand finale, the final letter will be number 280, which if you're not keeping count will be the week of your wedding, in fact if I keep to my schedule and have the letter there on Friday as with all the others it shall arrive the day before. Unlike the beach I know that letter will be our final goodbye so I hope I can do us justice._

_All my love,_

_Forever yours,_

_Broody_

She tried not to acknowledge the lump of tears in her throat as she pictured him tapping away on his keyboard, their final letter. After all this time still not really knowing if she'd ever read a word he'd written her. The final letter. She jumped up from the bed the letters that surrounded her scattering as she ran across the floor and flung the apartment door open, racing down to her post hole. She yanked it open and pulled the envelopes free. She ran back upstairs, flicking through the pile. Most of it was junk as she'd notified everyone of her new address, and there the second to last envelope was his. She settled herself back on her bed and opened it.

_Pretty Girl_

_It might seem odd that I've written you every week for over five years and I choose the day before your wedding to call you that but as I intend this to be the final letter I felt I had to say everything that ever needed to be said. I'm going to aim to do this chronologically as I think I'll be less likely to miss something – so here goes._

_The night you stripped naked in the back of my car my whole world changed. I never knew that you were the thing that changed it back then, I rather naively thought it had been the game. The night Peyton was drugged at the party at Duke and you called me for help because you knew I'd come I saw something in you Brooke that it took me a long time to get to know._

_I was young and arrogant and so selfish when I screwed things up with you and Peyton junior year. But honestly I feel head over heels in love with the girl I saw emerging, and when you agreed to exclusivity I thought my heart would burst from my chest. See it was never the H.C.M. that set my heart going – it was always you._

Brooke tried to stifle a sob, the thought that somehow this entire mess was because of her wedding day was brought home by that one line.

_Losing Keith destroyed a fundamental part of me and I know that it contributed to the demise of us, you did everything you could for me and I let you down, I should have tried to let you in more but I felt certain I would cope better on my own, if I knew then what I do now I would have let you help me. The only consolation I have are the memories of the weekend at Rachel's cabin where for a brief moment you made my world right again._

_The way you dealt with Peyton and I towards the end of senior year was admirable and I loved you more for being so dignified, for finding her and being there after the mess with Ian Banks. I recognised then what a special heart you have, it's capacity for love and forgiveness appeared to know no bounds. The thought of not seeing you every single day was heartbreaking for me Brooke, what hurt almost as badly was the idea that while I would be permitted a heartfelt goodbye with everyone I would not get that with you._

_With Peyton it was all about true love always, somehow I like it with you better – people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end. That is certainly something I have hung onto these past few years, however fruitless it now seems._

_It seems pure insanity to anyone on the outside that just 48 hours after proposing to Peyton I was ready to ask you to try a relationship with me again. But that night in New York was everything we were ever about, such passion and intensity a connection that was more than physical, more than emotional. I always felt it was beyond anything anyone could know, that what we had surpassed everything, so much as that however far we travel and whatever comes between us there's always a way back for us._

_I've spent five years waiting for the day I'll be able to talk to you, to try and explain the unexplainable and the unforgiveable. I realise now that with each passing second that becomes more likely and that thought kills me. However I will content myself with the fact that this man, this unbelievably lucky man will give you everything I never did, or at least the rest. I think we gave each other the best of ourselves, but whereas you gave the whole you I never gave more. And that's what you need Brooke, you need a man that is willing to give the whole of him, whereas I never could before. The sad fact I must face is that now I'm no longer scared, now I am completely ready, and now is just too late._

_I wish you happiness Brooke for I know you deserve it and I cannot give it._

_Please know this, I love you Brooke Davis and I will no longer deny it, or settle for less. There is less than a remote chance you will ever feel able to trust me again and I respect that, but I will live in hope because I know now that nothing can compare to what we have._

_All my love,_

_Forever Yours_

_Lucas_

Tears had long since dried on her face, the paper clutched to her chest wet with her tears Brooke slept a fitful sleep, her eyes drooping closed after reading his final letter more times than she could count. Lucas loved her, and she now knew that it had likely destroyed him.


	7. Chapter 7

The plane touched down in the early morning light. Brooke glanced down at her watch, it was barely past seven in the morning. The children had both fallen back into slumber after the plane had taken off. Megan was settled in Haley's lap while Jamie rested his head on Brooke's lap leaving his body laid across her and his own seat. She actually felt comforted with him like that. She reasoned nothing could be too serious if Jamie could sleep like that. It was an insane reasoning but it's what kept her sane throughout the hour long flight. Focussing on smoothing the boy's hair making sure each strand was in line with the others had allowed her to think of something other than Lucas, or more specifically the letters. She'd woken up when Haley called her just before five. In a rush she'd grabbed her luggage and her hold-on a last minute decision being to take the box on letters, which she'd scrambled to throw back inside of the box. When she'd been woken by Haley's call she'd come to to find herself surrounded by the letters on the bed, his last letter still firmly clutched in her hand.

She shivered as they all stood to depart the plane, Haley gently rousing her children. Brooke stretched and pulled down the hand luggage, the way he heart beat faster the second her hand held the bag made her feel like there was a bomb in there rather than a box of letters, though for her that box was a bomb. It had been sat in her closet for years waiting and now she'd read the letters she couldn't take back her knowledge. She took Jamie's hand in her free hand, holding her bag in the other. Jamie took Haley's carry on allowing her to carry a still groggy Megan into the airport. The last person in the entire world Brooke expected to be in the arrivals lounge once she arrived back in North Carolina with Haley and the children was him. But there he was. She felt utterly stunned and as she stopped in front of him words temporarily failed her.

"What are you doing here?" He looked at her like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

"I drove through the night to meet you here this morning. Don't you think we need to talk, I need more than some vague statement Brooke. We were meant to be on a flight to the Seychelles right now, going on our honeymoon. We were meant to be married." Brooke knew that he was right, he did deserve a better explanation.

"Brooke I need to take the kids home before I go to the hospital. Maybe I should get a cab with them and meet you there. I can take your bags if you want." She nodded and said goodbye to the little family, stood awkwardly with her fiancé while they watched them go.

"Need a ride?" Brooke gave him a weak smile and they began to go in search of his car. "Brooke care to tell me who exactly it is that is in hospital and if you care about them so much why haven't I ever heard anything about them." It was such a complex question despite the fact he didn't realise it.

"I had a miscarriage when I was eighteen. Nathan's brother was the father, Lucas. Lucas was my first, and before you only love. We were on and off for years and before I came back to New York for good I just realised that he would never be the person I needed him to be, that loving him was not enough when I was more invested in what we could be than he was, and that we'd just caused each other way too much pain, misery and betrayed each other one too many times for us to work. So I went back to New York and haven't seen or spoken to him since." Despite the mess of their situation when they reached his car he still opened the door for her.

"So you're telling me that this Lucas is in hospital. That you walked out on our wedding for a guy you chose to cut out of your life." He sounded a little incredulous and she couldn't blame him. Even she didn't understand the complexity of her relationship with Lucas.

"My wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, aside from the fact that my family wouldn't have been there because of Lucas being in the hospital I might need to stay away from him but it doesn't stop the fact I still care, I always will we've too much history for it to just be dead. I couldn't enjoy our special day not knowing if he was going to die or not." She prayed he could understand this. "It doesn't change how I feel about you. I still want to be your wife." He pulled over and looked her over.

"I didn't even know you owned clothes like that, it's so unlike you." She felt very conscious of the fact that at five in the morning after few hours sleep she'd pulled herself together. The result was a girl that had her brown locks left with curls in them, pulled tightly back into a ponytail. She had on faded blue jeans with a white vest top on, an oversized white shirt with pale blue lines thrown on over it. "I don't understand how I could know so little about the woman I'm supposed to now be married to. Seeing you here and hearing about this guy I suddenly feel like everything I do know is a lie. You're an entirely different person here and you only just arrived." It seemed a little strong but was perhaps a correct assessment. Truthfully she wouldn't have ever left her home without being made up, hair and clothes perfect in New York. One could argue that in New York there wasn't someone she cared about in hospital but she knew that it wasn't that simple. Maybe Chris was right, maybe the New York her was an act. She did know that she should have told Christopher the truth like he had her. He'd admitted to two serious relationships prior to her and more than a few brief ones. She in turn had mentioned a couple of high school relationships and not much since. She'd told him she'd been busy building her company, which while true had not explained it all. That she'd buried herself in work to heal a heart broken by a boy she loved and their baby she lost.

He switched the engine back on and started to drive her to the hospital. They rode in silence because she didn't know what to say, or if he'd want to hear it if she did. He pulled up outside the doors and she unbuckled the seatbelt.

"I know I should have told you, but everything was so painful it's easier to pretend it didn't happen. I want to come home to you as soon as I know he'll be okay. Do you want me to?" he sighed and considered her.

"I love you Brooke, or at least I think I do. I love the woman I proposed to but I don't even know if she's real right now. I want you to come home but I can't guarantee that everything will work out. Come home and we'll talk. I don't know if I trust you anymore so if we do stay together then I need us to take time before we reschedule the wedding and you need understand that." She nodded and leaned over to kiss him. She opened the door and climbed out. She had almost shut the door before he called her name. She pulled it back open and leant in a little. "Maybe while you're here you should ask why you couldn't tell me." He revved the engine to tell her to close the door, as far as he was concerned they were obviously finished. She shut the door and watched him drive away.

"You coming in?" The voice startled her and she realised Haley had arrived while she watched Christopher leave. She nodded her head and followed the other woman into the hospital. She watched as Nathan and Haley embraced then they peeled slowly apart, the two women now both looking expectantly at Nathan for answers.

"Doctor said he went into cardiac arrest. It's what happened in high school, remember after the state championship. The doctor said that if the guy who saw him fall was trained in CPR then he might have died. They've got his heart working again so it's just waiting for him to wake up. The doctor said he might have some brain damage because there was no oxygen to his brain for a few minutes."

"Did he push himself when he was with you?" Brooke watched, almost detached as Haley, eyes brimming with tears quizzed her husband.

"You know I wouldn't have let him. I called Karen and let her know. Andy paid through the nose but he got them on a chartered flight back here. He said they should be here by midday. I just don't know why he was so reckless when he knows the risks." The words in his last letter haunted her and while it might be self obsessed she truly believed that she was to blame for this. If she had just written him back, just once...

"Brooke sit down." Torn away from her thoughts she sat beside Haley, wondering where Nathan had gone. "What happened with Christopher?"

"He just wanted to know who was so important I had to run out on our wedding. I've never really talked about my life here so he didn't know. I don't think he believes me when I tell him I love him." Haley looked soulfully back at her.

"Brooke I know you love him, but that implies a simplicity that just isn't there. If you've moved on enough to be marrying someone else I don't see how anything could have torn you away, especially not an old lover whom you have done everything within your power to avoid for almost six years now. And I have held my tongue all this time but you need to start asking yourself some pretty big questions because we both know none of us would be sitting here right now if Lucas hadn't run himself into the ground because you were getting married. If I thought you didn't still have feelings for him I'd just say he was an idiot because he was well aware of his health problems – but I don't think he is an idiot. If you were really over him by now you would have been able to come back here, to visit us. To speak to him, to even just write him and tell him to stop writing you. But I know you Brooke and I know that you're still running." Brooke felt completely stunned by her friend's outburst.

"That isn't fair Haley." Haley held a hand up to stop her.

"Listen to me Brooke if you want to marry that New York guy then I will support you but if you want that you need to leave before he ever knew you were here because he will spend forever waiting for to come back if he knows you came now. I don't want him risking his life because he believes you'll come to him. I'm going to get coffee." Haley stood and marched away from her, leaving Brooke wallowing in her guilt. She blamed herself for where Lucas was but it killed her to know Haley blamed her too. Nathan probably did as well. They all knew that by ignoring him for so long she had pushed him to this.

"Where's Haley?" Brooke blinked in surprise at the voice.

"Coffee, she went for coffee."

"I'm going to go find her." Brooke nodded and watched him go. She couldn't stand the idea of hating Haley but knew she couldn't go back to New York without seeing he was okay with her own eyes. Besides Haley hadn't wanted him to know she'd been here, but he was still unconscious. Tentatively she moved towards his room, vivid recalling the last time he'd been here. She stood in the open doorway seeing him for the first time in years. He looked the same and yet completely different. His hair was at the perfect length, like it had been back when they'd first become exclusive in senior year. Despite the situation, the years and the drama her body still felt more alive when it was near to him. She took another step inside, then another until she was hovering next to his bed. Her brain told her to go, he could wake up any second. Yet instead she sat. Looking at him now she could hear his voice in her head, reading the words from his letter. His voice stumbling over words as he tried to make it plain to her how he felt.

_In the night I hear you speak  
Turn around, you're in my sleep  
Feel your hands inside my soul  
You're holding on and you won't let go  
_

Years and miles separated them despite the fact they were now in the same room. Yet she acknowledged that there had been no way on this earth she would have been able to stay away knowing he was so ill. She'd spent so long cutting him mercilessly from her heart and yet now he was here, now she saw him she knew that underneath it all he was still inside her.

_I've tried running but there's no escape  
Can't bend them, and I just can't break these..._

Steel bars, wrapped all around me  
I've been your prisoner since the day you found me  
I'm bound forever, till the end of time  
Steel bars wrapped around this heart of mine  


She still loved him. The thought was like a bullet to her brain, causing an explosion within her as she realised the truth.

_And with every step I take  
Every desperate move I make  
It's clear to me  
What can all my living mean  
When time itself is so obscene  
When time itself don't mean a thing  
I'm still loving you  
_

With horror she realised the years she'd spent believing she was done, this was over and she could control her feelings just as easily as she could control her company. That she could dictate to her heart to stop loving him, that because he'd hurt her and betrayed her, caused her more pain more times than she could even remember that she could forget loving him. That she could move on, love another the same as she loved him because love wasn't supposed to be like what they had. It wasn't supposed to be so destructive to them and the people they came into contact with.

_Steel bars, wrapped all around me  
I've been your prisoner since the day you found me  
I'm bound forever, till the end of time  
Steel bars wrapped around this heart of mine_

The most disturbing thought of all was that this love had survived the past ten years then she knew without question that no matter what she did she would always love Lucas Scott. The man had stolen her heart and that was that. And she cursed him for it.

**Song is Steel Bars by Michael Bolton**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks again for the reviews and story alerts. I apologise I haven't updated my stories as promised but I've had some bad news in the family so it's been hard to write, luckily this was already written. Hopefully I'll get back on track over the next week.**

Brooke glanced down at her watch as she arrived back at the hospital, almost nine in the evening now. It felt like they'd been waiting forever. It had reached seven and Brooke had known she needed something to help her wait, and now she had it. She found her way back to the waiting room and sat down, as if sensing her arrival back in the building Nathan appeared.

"I just got off the phone to Andy, they're making good time now. But having to land in San Antonio because of the engine problems has added about twenty two hours onto the trip." Brooke nodded her head, it was a hell of a drive but she knew Karen would prefer the drive to waiting around for a flight. She considered the brunette and realised that as he'd flown here the previous night he hadn't even been home yet.

"Nathan go home, I'll stay but Jamie probably needs to hear from you guys that Luke's okay and you need the rest." He opened his mouth to protest but she stood and shook her head.

"C'mon Nate you heard the doctor, it's unlikely he'll wake up in the next few hours and Karen will be here in less than four hours now. Give yourself a break, I'll call if anything changes." She watched him rub a hand through his hair, he looked exhausted.

"Thanks Brooke. I'm just going to speak to the doctor, go through and tell Hales." Brooke smiled, nodded and went off to Lucas' room. She stood in the doorway and cleared her throat. Haley looked up sharply.

"I told Nate to go home, Karen won't be too much longer and Jamie wants you guys. Plus Nathan looks ready to drop." Haley glanced down at the still figure in the bed then back to Brooke.

"I'm sorry about earlier, no one would be happier than me if you guys worked things out. But you being here will give him hope and that's not fair if there isn't any." Brooke nodded, Haley was right. After everything they'd done to one another she didn't want there to be more pain.

"I'm going to fly back to New York once Karen gets here. You were right Haley I'm probably not as over him as I'd like to be. In fact I realised that I still love him. But this isn't some fairy tale where love is all that matters. We've made too many mistakes for loving him to be enough. I have a shot at the life I dreamt of now and I can't walk away from that for a boy who broke my heart." Haley let out a yawn then blushed.

"That wasn't about you." Brooke grinned at her friend. "I want you to be happy Brooke. I do understand that he hurt you and it's your life so only you know what's best." Haley stood and briefly laid a hand on her shoulder as she left. Once again it was just Brooke and Lucas. She sighed as she looked at him wondering whether her need to come here had just ruined her future. Christopher was a good man and she should have been honest from the start. But confronting her past had seemed too painful and she'd not really known how to even begin explaining the mess that was her relationship with Lucas. Sighing once more she assessed the room and decided to rearrange it to suit her needs. She moved the chair and the tray for his meals when he woke to the corner of the room that got the best light from the small bulb. Then settling down she did the one thing guaranteed to allow her to lose herself, she sketched. She started with the broad strokes and then as the detail began to form she felt herself lose all track of time and sense of where she was. The only thing in her mind was how to ensure the vision in her head was applied to the paper in front of her.

The nurse coming in to check on Lucas broke her concentration, in doing so she realised just how tired she was. She glanced down at her watch and saw it was nearing midnight. Karen would arrive soon and then she'd go to the airport and book herself on the next flight to New York. She watched the nurse check Lucas' signs, ensuring he was okay. Once she'd left Brooke found herself drawn to his bedside, unable to walk away. He looked so peaceful in his rest, for the first time in years she questioned what their baby might have looked like if it had lived, whether it would have been a girl or a boy. Whether it would have inherited a heart condition or not, for all she knew if her baby had lived she might be in this exact same place, her child in that bed instead of Lucas. Her hand went out to gently push the few strands of hair from his forehead, she bent slowly and placed her lips softly on his forehead.

"I love you Lucas Scott. I always will." With that she hurried back to her work, feeling that just acknowledging that truth was betraying her fiancé, if of course he was still her fiancé after this trip. She tiredly rubbed her face before stretching her legs up onto her makeshift desk and leaning back in the chair. She pulled the large sketchpad into her lap and began once more to work.

"You always look so beautiful when you don't try." Brooke jumped out of her skin at the soft voice and spun round to the bed, the blue eyes were half closed and slumped again before she was next to him.

"Luke?" She waited for five minutes without a response, debating whether or not she should get a nurse or whether she'd just imagined it. He seemed as still as the last time she'd stood beside him, she dismissed the words she thought she'd heard as a result of having only two hours sleep in almost twenty four hours. The thought soothed her because though she wanted him to wake up and be okay she didn't want to be there when that happened. She wasn't ready for the opening of Pandora's Box that that would be. She shuffled back over and settled back to her work, periodically glancing at him for signs of him waking.

"Hi honey." Brooke looked sharply up to the doorway and smiled in relief at the woman stood there. She got up and went over to the older woman's already open arms.

"It's good to see you Karen, I wish it wasn't like this." They pulled apart then and both appraised the other, it had been years since they'd seen one another though they'd exchanged the odd e-mail. "Where are Andy and Lily?"

"At home, it's late and I wanted to see how he was doing before Lily came." Brooke nodded and gestured toward the bed.

"No change since Nathan and Haley left. The doctor didn't expect him to wake up before morning so I sent them home."

"Don't you need sleep too?" Brooke looked away from her before she answered.

"I can sleep on the plane home."

"You're leaving already." For the first time Brooke felt the need to confess everything to someone, to Karen because she'd always been willing to listen to her. A tear slipped down her cheek unbidden and Karen held her tight. "What's going on Brooke?" Brooke savoured the feeling of being cared for a second longer before she went and sat, Karen pulled the other chair over and sat with her, pausing to regard her son. The two women settled Brooke began her confession.

"I had a miscarriage a few months after graduation Karen, it was Lucas' baby. I never told him about the baby because I was working up to, I needed to find the right words because we shouldn't have been together than night and he was with Peyton. Before I could I lost my baby. Haley was the only one who knew. The night after he proposed to Peyton in L.A. he was in New York and we got very drunk and well...the next morning he came to my house and before we could talk he found my scan picture. He assumed I'd had an abortion and we didn't speak for a few years after that. I went back to Tree Hill and he found out the truth. Peyton found out too just around the time they were getting back together. He came to see me, to tell me he loved me and Peyton came too. I went back to New York and wouldn't speak to him or see him. He wrote me every week for the past six years and I never opened a single letter, until my wedding night. I was supposed to get married yesterday but Nathan got the call about Luke and here I am. I stayed up last night and read nearly everyone."

"That's an awful lot to take in Brooke. I can certainly understand why you didn't feel able to see him after everything, but six years is a long time to ignore someone. Why keep the letters if you weren't reading them?" In the pit of her stomach Brooke knew the answer.

"I don't know, or I didn't. Seeing him again though I do know now that I kept them because I still loved him, still love him."

"Yet you're leaving before he sees you?" Brooke looked away ashamed.

"Karen I'm supposed to be on my honeymoon right now, but I'm not even sure I'm getting married. I walked out in the middle of my wedding to be here, Chris drove all through the night to see me and I brushed him off. I do love Lucas, but I can't ever trust him. If I can't trust him is there any point in staying. I know he's going to be okay, in my heart I just know and I've seen him now. Haley said that he would wait forever if he knew I'd been here and we both know she's right. So I need to be gone before he wakes up because I don't want him waiting for something that won't happen. I read his letters and maybe I do believe he loves me, I'm not sure. But I just think we threw away what we could have had, at every opportunity we blew it. Love isn't enough." Brooke watched Karen letting her words sink in, god knows she'd had an awful lot thrown at her in the last ten minutes.

"My boy," Karen sighed as she looked over at the man in the bed. "I never did understand what happened between the two of you. You went from being so happy together to...I know Keith's death changed things but I thought you two would last." Brooke shrugged the words away.

"That was always the problem for us, there was always something to keep us apart."

"Oh Brooke I remember how heartbroken he was when you broke up with him, it just didn't make any sense to me. Then all of a sudden he was magically in love with Peyton. I know he loved you then, and from what little he's said to me, and the majority of what he hasn't I've suspected for a time he loves you now. I respect what you're saying about trust and not having a future. I wish it were different but I do understand. I can't tell you how to live your life honey, what I can say is this: the heart has its reasons that reason cannot know. I might not be as familiar with famous words as Lucas but I do know Pascal said that. Brooke you admit yourself that you love him, there is no rhyme or reason to why we love someone, and even when their actions and our own are telling us that it's crazy to continue to do so we all must one day admit that the heart wants what it wants and our head will never be able to control it with logic." Brooke tried to blink the tears from her eyes. She wished things weren't this hard, but the fact was being here didn't feel right, she needed to go home and get away from all this, all that had been between she and Lucas.

* * *

He took the first few tentative steps into his house, he could feel his mother and brother both hovering behind him should he need their help. He wanted nothing more than to tell them both to leave him the hell alone but managed to stop himself. He knew it wasn't their fault he was in this mess. He had known that pushing himself as hard as he was doing was a huge mistake, particularly as he'd been a little sketchy when it came to taking his medication. Nor was it their fault that by now Brooke was married, was on her honeymoon. If he was honest he had hoped that she wouldn't have been able to marry someone else. He could only conclude that she really was over him. that his letters had left her heart unchanged.

He lay with his eyes closed on his bed, he was sick of constantly being watched over like a child, it had been two weeks since he came home, three since he'd woken up in hospital. The worst part had been his dream, his dream that Brooke had been there waiting for him to wake up, telling him she loved him, kissing him and holding his hand. That dream haunted him and left him defeated in line with her newly married status. All Nathan had said on the matter was that he'd gotten the call just before the ceremony started and he, Haley and the children had apologised to Brooke and left. Haley said she'd called Brooke to let her know he'd woken up and would be okay.

He most certainly didn't feel okay, he felt utterly broken and defeated. He questioned each and every way he could have changed the outcome. He admitted that this was his fault, entirely his fault. Every chance he got with her he screwed it up and now she had fallen in love with and married someone else. He was trapped in his own home, faking sleep just to get away from them all. He couldn't stand their pity, their sympathy and their very presence caring for him because they weren't her. She was the only one he wanted. Haley and Nathan had stopped by and Lucas could hear the three children playing in the garden. The hushed voices in the other room meant he knew they were discussing him. Wearily he forced himself up and went to his door, trying his best to open it a little in order to better hear what was being said.

"Is there no hope at all?" He furrowed his brow at his mother's words. Hope for what?

"Karen we want it was much as you do. But I think if there was hope for them she wouldn't have left." He felt more confused the more he heard, Haley seemed insistent in her belief. What did they all want so much?

"But she came, surely that says something."

"It's not enough Karen, not enough to tell him and risk hurting him all over again. With all due respect you haven't seen how he's hurt and pined for the past six years." So they were talking about him.

"I don't know Hales, I see Karen's point. I mean it's not just that she came, she walked out in the middle of her wedding ceremony. That's a pretty big deal." Walked out in the middle of her ceremony? The only person he knew that would have had a wedding ceremony to walk out of was Brooke. But she wouldn't have done that. If she hadn't got married they would have said something?

"I know, and a big part of me thinks we should turn round and say hey Luke while you were unconscious Brooke walked out of her wedding so she's not actually married and she came to see you and make sure you were okay. But when he asks why she's not still here, why he never saw her what do we say? She didn't want to see you and give you hope where there was none. I wish I believed Brooke would forgive him and there would be a happy ending but I don't want to see him hurt again. Because that would be both my best friends hurting then." His head was spinning from what he'd heard, Brooke was not married. She'd been in Tree Hill, at the hospital.

* * *

Brooke heard the commotion outside her office, the raised voices and Millicent insisting that someone had to leave. Then her door opened and Millicent rushed in after the man she'd argued with had barged into her office.

"Brooke I'm sorry but he wouldn't leave." Brooke smiled at her friend and assistant to assure her things were fine.

"That's okay Millie, just give us a minute." She appraised him quickly and wondered both why he would be here and whether it was safe.

"I dreamt about you when I was in the hospital."

"I'm sure you had plenty of dreams Lucas, they don't give you a reason to barge into here."

"You always look so beautiful when you don't try." Brooke paled as his words hit home. Lucas knew then.


	9. Chapter 9

"_I dreamt about you when I was in the hospital."_

"_I'm sure you had plenty of dreams Lucas, they don't give you a reason to barge into here."_

"_You always look so beautiful when you don't try." Brooke paled as his words hit home. Lucas knew then._

Her stomach dropped as he uttered those words. The words she had made herself ignore, the ones she had told herself were nothing more than her imagination. Lucas had not woken up while she had been at the hospital, she had imagined it in her fevered brain and reawakened heart. When he'd walked into her office the first thing she thought was she needed to speak with security in the building, the second was how could he be here when he'd surely only been released recently. Karen wouldn't have let him come, Haley would have stopped him. But above all of it was this: Lucas Scott is here. She discounted the hospital in her mind and classed this moment as the first time she had seen him in years, because the truth was watching him unconscious had barely touched the surface of what his presence could arouse in her.

"I'm insulted that you think this isn't trying." She murmured as she gestured to her Donna Karen suit, her perfectly made up face and the Christian Louboutin shoes that were hidden from him by her desk. If she'd known he was coming here she would of course have been wearing her own clothes, because she wanted nothing more than to hammer home the point that she was successful in her career because he broke her heart and gave her motivation, a chance to escape.

He wasn't surprised that she tried to play his words off. She may have been drawing his attention with her gesture to her immaculate appearance but all he saw was her hand. And he saw one very important thing.

"I don't mean today, it's what I thought when I saw you at the hospital."

"The implication that I could have been there means that I either skipped my wedding or my honeymoon Lucas – for someone I haven't spoken to in years." He smirked at her then.

"You're missing a ring Brooke." She froze for a second and her eyes slid to her hand, her stunning engagement ring sat alone on her finger. Shit!

"I was under the impression that I wouldn't hear from you again. That is what you meant in the last letter." That did surprise him, it had been easier to think her hardened heart had ignored his letters rather than that she'd been able to read and discard them.

"That was my intention, things changed." Brooke looked squarely at him then.

"No Lucas they didn't. Nothing's changed. I kept every letter from you and I was always too afraid to read them, until you were in the hospital and I read almost all of them that first night. I did come to Tree Hill. But nothing's changed because I'm here, I still love Chris." Before Lucas was able to respond Brooke's intercom buzzed on her desk. "Yes Millie." The system crackled before the response came.

"Christopher is here to take you to lunch."

"Tell him I'll be out in just one minute." Brooke's gaze rose triumphantly to his. "If you thought coming here would change anything then you've had a wasted journey. Maybe I did come, but it wasn't for you. It was for Nathan, Haley and the children. Nothing else would have got me there. Goodbye Lucas." She held her head high and refused to look at him as she got her coat and bag and strode out of the office, leaving him staring as she went.

* * *

She marched through the building and to her office, she'd convinced Christopher he didn't need to escort her back to work as it was the other direction to where he was headed. Truth was she didn't want to risk it, suspecting that Lucas may well still be nearby. She had spent her lunch successfully ignoring anything inside of her that related to him because thinking about it wasn't an option. While things were slowly improving with Chris it was still awkward, understandably so given her trip to the bedside of another man, one with whom she had never discussed her history with. The very fact he was still willing to work at things with her was a blessing. Millie was away from her desk so she slipped unnoticed into her desk. Immediately her eye was drawn to the box on her desk. Sighing resignedly she picked up her phone.

"It's me."

"Brooke, hi how are you?"

"Anything you might need to tell me Haley?" Brooke guessed she probably sounded a little pissy with her friend but she did feel a little warning would have been nice.

"Like what Brooke? Is everything okay?"

"How's Lucas?" Haley sighed and Brooke could virtually hear the penny drop.

"He disappeared, Karen's been frantic. But I guess we know where he is now." Brooke smirked down the phone.

"Was. I left him in my office over an hour ago, he's gone now. But he's left his medication."

"WHAT!" Brooke flinched as Haley screeched down the phone. "Brooke you need to find him and get that medication to him, he'll be needing it in a few hours."

"Call him and find out where he is, then let me know and I'll get someone to messenger it to him."

"Brooke can't you call him, I mean clearly he's come to New York for a reason."

"Not my problem Haley, he's the stupid ass who had a cardiac arrest just weeks ago and leaves his meds where he shouldn't."

"Brooke don't be such a bitch. You fly out here to make sure he was okay, just follow it through. I knew you being there was a mistake, I knew he would read too much into it." The worry and guilt in Haley's voice broke Brooke's barriers a little.

"Okay I will take it to him, just call me when you know where he is. I don't have his number anymore anyway. It got deleted." What Brooke actually meant was she deleted the number when she first came back to stop herself contacting him, which was a moot point really considering it was carved into her brain. It took just minutes for Haley to call her back.

"He won't answer Brooke, he ended the call. Oh god what if he's going to do something stupid I mean he left his meds for a reason." Yeah he sure did, Brooke thought sarcastically knowing then exactly why Luke had left his meds on her desk.

"I'll fix it Haley, I'll call you back soon." Not waiting for a reply Brooke hung up and mentally cursing Lucas dialled the number etched in her memory. He answered almost immediately.

* * *

Brooke threw the box of medication down onto the bench, it was a beautiful day to be in Central Park and yet she wanted to be anywhere but. The occupant of the bench looked up at her.

"Thanks for bringing them to me." She scowled back in response.

"You're causing an awful lot of worry you know. It wouldn't have hurt to answer when Haley called." He smiled back at her.

"If Haley didn't feel a sense of urgency there's no way you would have brought them to me. And if I know you as well as I think I still do you've already told the guys on security to be more vigilant on who gets let into the building."

"This isn't a game Lucas, it's people's feelings and your life. You need those meds and to be so careless with them."

"I wasn't careless." He interrupted her. "I knew you'd bring them."

"I know that's why you left them on my desk in the first place."

"I just want to talk." She didn't want to admit she was afraid of being so close to him. Love she'd buried beneath so many layers had resurfaced just by seeing him in hospital, but to have him next to her, speaking to her seemed almost too much. She was haunted by their past and what still lingered between them.

He waited patiently for some sign from her that it was okay to continue, but the truth was he didn't really know where to start. There certainly hadn't been some great plan when he'd stumbled away from his house. Hearing that his dream had in fact been real and no one planned on telling him had left him stunned. He hadn't thought he'd get into Brooke's office because he'd tried years before and failed. She'd been so dismissive but he'd seen something in her eyes that told him they weren't done yet. And even if they were he needed to know that he had given it his all, something he knew he'd been guilty of not doing in the past. He'd never, not once allowed Brooke to be his all. And the ridiculous irony was that it was all he'd ever wanted her to be. He felt a flutter in his chest when she stopped debating and sat beside him. She stared straight ahead and he followed her lead in an effort to make her more comfortable. The more comfortable he made her the longer she'd stay.

"I missed you Brooke." It seemed such a simple thing to say and yet it broke something inside her, because the truth was she had missed him. even when they'd been apart he'd always been under her skin and she had missed the intimacy they had always shared. "I planned what I'd say to you if I ever got the chance a million times in my head, I never thought I'd have to suffer cardiac arrest and almost die for it to happen."

"Please don't joke Luke." She blinked fiercely in an effort to stem any tears that had appeared, the idea of losing him was far too raw to joke about for her.

"Sorry. I just mean all the plans were a waste of my time because now we're here and I'm lost. Truthfully the one thought I have is how did I do this to us? How did I destroy us so badly?"

"Can you remember the night on the beach at the beginning of senior year, you marched up to me in front of all those people and just declared that you were the guy for me."

"Of course I remember." Brooke closed her eyes as she let her words recreate the night in her mind.

"You stopped being that boy." Her voice was soft but it didn't take the sting from her words for him.

"I know. From our very first date when you dragged me so far out of my comfort zone it felt like I was on the moon you've scared me. The way I feel when I'm with you scares me. When you walked out on me it was easier to be heartbroken than it was to let you all the way in. Heartbreak doesn't last forever but the fear of how huge that love was could be terrifying and so I let go."

"I would have forgiven you, for all the million reasons that New York shouldn't have happened if you'd come the next day and told me you loved me I'd have found a way to forgive the past, ignore the fact you'd proposed to Peyton just days earlier and let myself love you again."

"Sorry isn't enough for what I said and how I treat you about the baby, our baby." The mention of her baby was like a punch to the gut, despite it having been ten years since the miscarriage when she did think of it it still tormented her.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier Luke, I didn't come to the hospital just because of everyone else. I needed to see you, I needed to know for certain you were okay. Once I got there I knew it was a mistake. The walls I'd constructed over the past few years just crashed down around me and it revealed the truth I'd tried hard to ignore – I still love you." His heart leapt up into his throat and he felt relief wash over him.

"I love you too Brooke." His words were a little rushed and he'd turned to her now. She allowed herself to look at him, to rest a hand over his.

"That night on the beach was supposed to be a goodbye, but I think we both knew it wasn't really. I mean what we shared that night was more than goodbye. We've spent so many years dancing this dance Lucas. I do still love you, but that's just not enough. It can't erase the mistakes we both made and I think this is our goodbye. I think this is the moment where we both sit together and apologise for every hurt we've caused the other. Accept that we could have had something amazing but we allowed ourselves to ruin it for whatever reason. I don't know whether or not I'll still marry Chris, I'm not sure he still wants me but we're working at it. I want you to go home and make a life for yourself without waiting for something that won't come." He felt his heart shatter then, she was done. He didn't blame her, not really. But hope had been stirred in him and it killed him to have the hope snuffed out.

"If you have read my letters then you already know some of this but, I think I knew Peyton would say no, but at least I'd tried. I never appreciated how much guts it took for Nathan and Haley to get married so young. Until I realised that it would be forever with you after New York and that was frightening. I was a fool Brooke and I'm sorry." She leant over then and surprised them both with a soft press of her lips to his.

"I forgive you Lucas." His heart leapt again and he wondered at the somewhat dramatic change in attitude. "Not because you're sorry, or because you deserve it but because I need to forgive you for me. It's always going to be there but I need to let go. Goodbye Luke."

"Brooke I'm sorry." He hated the panicked tone in his voice because he could clearly see where this was going.

"Yeah, me too." He couldn't pull his eyes away from her as she walked so elegantly out of his life – again. Once more he was left with the feeling of despair of knowing that despite being a writer, being a man who lived simply on his use of words once more when it really counted, once more with Brooke words failed him. There was simply not enough to make her stay. This time it really was goodbye.


	10. Chapter 10

**Many thanks for all the reviews. I am evil I know, of course I couldn't leave them like that.**

It wasn't until she got home almost two hours later that she noticed the blisters on her feet, she'd done nothing but walk since she'd left him in Central Park. One look in the mirror showed that not only had she walked until her feet were raw she'd cried until her make-up was almost gone. She felt so utterly drained, seeing Lucas again and revisiting everything she'd locked so firmly away was beyond painful. Just sitting next to him was enough to make her body come alive, the smell of him stimulating everything inside of her. The bold truth staring her in the face, no matter what the circumstances, the years between them she wanted him – badly. Her body almost literally craved to be united with his, no one had ever had this effect on her. She sadly accepted that while sex with Chris was relatively good, it paled significantly in comparison to her and Lucas. Everything did, he owned her body in a way that was unique. Whether it was because she loved him with a dark and unforgiving passion like she'd never loved anyone else or it was just physical she didn't know.

She did wonder how on earth their love had the endurance to have survived this length of time, because while she had questioned whether he did love her in the past she was certain now that after six years of waiting for her, after showing up here she knew that he did love her. For the first time ever she actually believed it. She just didn't know how she felt about that. Damn, Chris would be here in just over an hour to collect her for a charity dinner. It was the last thing on earth she felt like doing now but she knew he'd question her if she cancelled now, question she wouldn't be able to give him answers to.

Lucas licked his lips nervously, he knew that the park was Brooke giving them a final goodbye, but the fact was he just wasn't ready for that. As he sat there letting her words wash over him after she'd gone he found he just couldn't accept that they still loved one another and couldn't make it work. If she'd talked just once about her fiancé, told him that she loved another man more than she loved him he might have been able to get on a plane and go back to Tree Hill, but she hadn't. It was impossible for him to leave things like she had, it might have been closure for her but it wasn't for him. He hadn't moved on from her and he was almost certain she hadn't from him. So here he was outside her door, hoping that unlike the last time she'd actually let him in, he had so much more he needed to say to her.

But as the door opened every single word left his head. There she was, her face bare of make-up, hair in dripping wet strands around her face, skin glistening with water and a towel wrapped around her body. Somehow he figured she was expecting someone else, he didn't think she'd answer a door like this, looking so glorious in her simplicity. He felt his cock twitch in his trousers and words seemed impossible, she stood expectantly in the doorway so he moved forward forcing her back, he used his foot to close the door behind him and did the only thing his brain was telling him to do. He grabbed her by the tops of her arms, clamping her to the spot on which she stood and pushed himself forward to capture her lips with his own.

Her brain screamed at her that this was a huge mistake, yet her body melted into him and when he moved his hands from her arms to take a strong hold of her body she felt herself mould against him. Instantly her nipples stiffened from the blood rushing to them and she felt herself moist between her legs. This is exactly what was missing with everyone else, this was what had been missing in her life for so long now she'd forgotten just how badly her body needed his. She felt bereft as he moved away from her, but he stood one hand reaching out and pulling the towel wrapped around her body away from her. Still the voice in her head screamed that she had to stop this. But it was too late and she knew she couldn't. She felt a flush of heat pass through her body as he stared unashamedly at her naked body, one hand reached to cup her cheek.

"You're so perfect." He murmured amazed that this was happening. Not only was she letting this happen she wanted it as badly as he did, he could clearly see the lust written across her face. His hand dropped from her face to caress her body, he reached forward again, his lips meeting hers once more in a kiss that made his knees weak. She reached down to free his rock hard cock from his jeans, soon they were on her floor. Years of distance and desire had him desperate to be inside of her almost instantly, he pushed her back against the wall and she wrapped on leg around him as he slid effortlessly inside of her. she gasped.

She felt a sense of wholeness the second he filled her, the length of his body pushing against her own, pushing reason further away, lust zipping within her as she got something which she'd forgotten she needed like air. As her hands roamed his body one stopped, resting over his heart.

"Is this okay?" She panted out to him, her response was another strong kiss as he began to move inside her. she moaned deep in her throat as she felt him, her insides clutching him, not wanting him to leave her, he tormented her almost withdrawing completely with each thrust, yet satisfying her driving deeper each time he returned. It didn't take long before she felt the world moving away, before she saw the white light behind her eyes as she panted and gasped his name. She forced herself back from the brink, waiting for him to be ready. With a loud grunt he forced further into her, so far she didn't realise it was possible and as he hit that sweet spot deep within her again she felt herself explode, gasping his name as he came bellowing hers.

Reality returned all too soon for Brooke as her brain began to scream that Christopher would be arriving soon, she untangled herself from Lucas and pulled the towel back round herself, flush with embarrassment yet having the glow of a woman sated. Guilt flooded her as she became the person she'd always despised, the type that could cheat on someone.

"Chris will be here soon, you need to go." Her instant dismissal of him hit him in the heart. It also brought to mind when he'd done the same to her. Had he been completely naive to think this would change things? Maybe he had, it never had before so why should this time be different simply because he wanted it to be.

"So this meant what Brooke?" She froze and then slowly turned back to him.

"Don't Luke, please." He saw the flash of fear in her eyes as she begged him not to push her. suddenly they were back in time almost ten years, only this time she was the one scared, the one ready to put something between them just because letting herself love him would be too terrifying to cope with. He saw a hint of vulnerability about her as she pleaded with her eyes for him to just go.

"You know this isn't the end right." He said it as a statement and not a question because after playing this game, toing and froing for nigh on twelve years it wouldn't end this way of that he was certain. Until she had that ring on her finger he wouldn't stop believing that they were meant to be together. Fate had stopped her marriage once because he knew just as surely as he knew that grass was green and sky blue that Brooke Davis was made for him and him alone, just as he was for her.

"I'm engaged." Her voice was thin and weak when she said it, lacking conviction that both took note of.

"You're as ready to let go of me as I am to let go of you, the difference is I have the guts to admit it. You came to me Brooke, when it mattered when it counted you came to me. Everything else is nothing more than an illusion, Peyton, Chase, Lindsey, Christopher our love survives them all and it does that for a reason." With a strength and certainty she didn't feel she shook her head.

"You're wrong Chris isn't the others. Now you need to go." He smiled tenderly at her and she was thrown.

"In twelve years we've spent a matter of months in the same place, one day we'll get there again and this time we'll stay that way." The tears rolled softly down her cheeks after he'd gone. Her heart begged her to chase after him, not let him walk away. But her head refused. Not that it really mattered, she knew he wasn't planning on going far. And that thought both thrilled and terrified her in equal measure.

* * *

Once he'd left her he allowed himself time to consider his next move, there was something more he could do there had to be, something more that would convince her that the time for running was done, that finally they needed to accept the inevitable, they would be together. Their love was too strong to deny. His cell vibrated in his pocket and he quickly dismissed the thought it would be her, she wouldn't give in so soon. He allowed himself a wry grin as he glanced at the display knowing that it was time he faced the music.

"Hey ma."

"You disappear for over twenty four hours, you don't tell anyone you're going, don't answer your cell, leave your meds on Brooke's desk and when you finally answer all you say is 'hey ma'! Lucas Eugene Scott I swear to god there better be one hell of a good reason for you to be behaving so god damn irresponsibly." He grinned again.

"Ma I'm twenty eight years old and if I want to hop on a plane to New York then I can do. You didn't need to worry about me I can look after myself. And yes I did leave my meds in Brooke's office but that's only because I knew it was the only way to get her to come and find me."

"Lucas under normal circumstances I might well agree that you're old enough to go where you want when you want but you've not been out of hospital after a cardiac arrest long and I'm your mother it's my job to worry."

"I know, but if I told you, any of you, you'd all have tried to talk me out of this. I know Brooke came to see me while I was unconscious ma, I know she walked out of her wedding to fly to Tree Hill and I know she still loves me. Where else is the world should I be knowing all that but where she is."

"Oh Lucas, I wish it were that simple."

"I'm saying it's simple, but if I have any chance of convincing her that our love is enough then it's by being here, not in Tree Hill."

"And you think you have a chance?" He smiled to himself.

"Something gives me that impression."

"Don't get your hopes up honey, she seemed pretty set on things when I spoke to her here. And given your history with one another I can understand why she doesn't trust you." He knew then that Brooke had told his mother everything. And what his mother said was an understatement. By rights Brooke should hate him, not still love him. But love was illogical and that worked in his favour.

"Ma do you think that this is right, that we're right?" He waited patiently for her answer.

"Does it matter what I think Lucas, you're an adult and you're set on doing everything you can to bring her home anyway."

"Just tell me."

"I love that girl Lucas and for some unknown reason given what you've put her through she loves you. Nothing would make me happier than you and she reuniting and making a life together, but you already knew that."

"So I have your blessing to chase after her."

"As if you need it. Haley wants to talk to you."

"Better get it over with."

"Lucas Eugene when you get back here I'm going to kick your ass!"

"Good to speak to you too Hales. I have a proposition for you, you forgive me for coming here without a word and I'll forgive you for not telling me Brooke was in Tree Hill." He was just able to stop his laughter at the deep sigh from his best friend.

"You're lucky this time Lucas. You speak to her?"

"A little more than speak." A shocked gasp met his ears.

"You didn't, did you?"

"Not even an hour ago Hales. But now she's with him and I'm trying to figure out what to do next."

"I cannot believe it. After everything she said about not going back there. I wish the two of you would stop this you know."

"I listened to the stop hiding your heart speech last time Hales, it's her you need to tell. Or I think that's what she's doing."

"You hide your heart Lucas, Brooke has always known what's in hers. That's the problem with you two, you never realised you loved her and she always loved you but wouldn't let herself."

"Maybe I need you up here to tell her that."

"It's you that needs to convince her. You need to make her see that this is forever this time, it was you that was scared of that not her. She's scared that it won't be."

"Any suggestions on how I do that?"

"That's your job Luke, you need to figure it out, because you broke her and now it's your job to fix her."

"Thanks for the encouragement Hales."

"You need encouragement, okay try this senior year as well documented in your novel a young vulnerable girl, says to this guy 'I wanted you to fight for me! I wanted you to say that there was no-one else you could ever be with and that you'd rather be alone then without me. I wanted the Lucas Scott from the beach telling the world that he's the one for me!' All Brooke has ever needed was for you to prove that your actions will back your words, because your words lie to her. They always prove untrue and she needs to know that this time you mean them."

"Should be easy then."


	11. Chapter 11

**Song is Snow Patrol - Just Say Yes**

Brooke took an unsteady breath as she approached her building, she knew in the pit of her stomach he was nearby. He was always nearby these days. Even when he was physically apart from her he was there, in her heart, in her head. Their reckless encounter three days ago hadn't been replicated, but deep down she knew it just a matter of time. With him in the same city as her, showing up, it would only be a matter of time before she slipped again.

"Take a walk with me Brooke Davis." Her eyes looked sharply up and found him in front of her. He seemed so disarming stood there that she forgot the threat he posed. Everything in her was screaming to run as fast and far as she could from him but instead she nodded and they walked together, not touching but just a breath from one another.

"Lucas why are you still here? We said goodbye."

"Sure we did pretty girl, we said goodbye like that before remember." Sure she remembered, and she remembered that her carelessness that night had ended in her pregnancy. Ten years older and she'd been that reckless again. This time she hoped for a different outcome, there was no way she'd ever be able to pass a baby off as someone else's. There was no way Lucas would allow her to anyway. Besides it would be difficult to do considering that she and Chris hadn't been near one another like that since Tree Hill.

"You make it sound so straightforward, like there's a foregone conclusion." He stopped then, making her stop too. He looked her straight in the eye.

"There is Brooke. I've been wracking my brain to find some words, something that will make you stop running from me. I don't blame you for running because I screwed it up, the first time, the second time, the third time and when I finally was ready to stop screwing up and come to you, the way I did it screwed everything up all over again. But there is something here Brooke that we can't walk away from – we both tried. We've been dancing around the truth for twelve years Brooke so here it is: I love you Brooke Penelope Davis. I see my life with you, the story, the family we dreamt up on a carriage ride through this city that's what I want. I want you as the mother of my children Brooke, but more importantly I want you as my wife." Time froze around them as his impassioned words reached her ears. The intonation in his voice as he said those last words made it seem more than what he meant it to be, or at least that's what she prayed had happened between the words leaving his lips and reaching her ears.

_I'm running out of ways to make you see  
I want you to stay here beside me  
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am  
So just tell me today and take my hand  
Please take my hand  
Please take my hand  
_

It wasn't romantic and it wasn't ideal. It seemed damn near crazy to be asking her this considering she'd done nothing but tell him what they had was over and that she was going to marry someone else and yet he had nothing else he could say to her, no words would convey as much as this one action. The way he saw it was he wanted a life with her and he was tired of playing games and messing around and hurting. This was everything and he had nothing to lose in trying to get it.

"Luke I'm engaged to someone else." She held her hand up to display the ring in an attempt to crystallise to him the truth of that fact.

"I know, but if it was meant to be you'd be married already Brooke. If he was the one then you wouldn't be walking with me, we wouldn't have slept together. Twelve years and this hasn't gone away Brooke, which is damn near a miracle considering everything we've done to destroy it. I love you and you've already admitted you love me too. So marry me."

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love  
_

She gasped as he pulled a ring from his pocket, she'd thought that what he said was spur of the moment but the presence of a ring was proof to the contrary. He had thought this through, planned it. And one look at that ring told her that he'd planned it mostly likely hours after they'd slept together for him to have that ring. A ring she'd recognise anywhere because she had seen it before, many years before and she knew the significance of that very ring.

"That's not the ring you got for Peyton."

"No it's not."

"That's your mom's ring." Her voice was so soft he only knew she spoke because he saw her lips moving.

"It is."

"Why use that ring now and not...before?"

"I asked my mom if I could have this ring because of everything it means, everything you know it means to her and Keith and me. This ring is sacred for us and I can only see myself giving it to you because you're the one person I love as much as Keith loved my mom, you're the person who gets just how special this ring. And I asked her because it is the only way I know to get you to believe just how much I love you, and that I need for this to be over. I need us to be real now."

_It's so simple and you know it is  
You know it is, yeah  
We can't be to and fro like this  
All our lives  
You're the only way to me  
The path is clear  
What do I have to say to you  
For God's sake, dear  
For God's sake, dear  
For God's sake, dear  
For God's sake, dear  
For God's sake, dear  
_

She knows exactly what that ring means, and she also knows that Lucas must have the support of Karen in order for her to have sent him the ring. This has clearly got her blessing and that alone makes Brooke question it. A half assed proposal on the spur of the moment she could easily forget but this is something entirely different and she just isn't sure how to cope with it, how to process what he's asking of her.

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love  
_

His palms were sweaty and his heart was racing. He'd always thought that when he proposed to her it would be more planned than this, stood on the street in the middle of bustling New York with curious glances being thrown at them by passersby while she stood staring at what he held out to her was a million miles from what he thought it would be.

"I once told you that you got to be the biggest part of my world Brooke, I just want to fulfil those words. And I want to be the biggest part of yours." He wanted nothing more than to spend his days with her, to grow old with her. He didn't want a day to go by where he didn't wake up with her in his arms and fall asleep breathing her in.

_Just say yes, coz I'm aching and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in  
_

She felt incensed then because they weren't those two people, those two kids stood on the River Court with absolutely no idea just how different their lives would go to what they were seeing right then. Once upon a time she would have loved to be the biggest part of his world and he had been the biggest part of hers but how could he believe that after so many mistakes and so much heartache it would be possible for this to work out the way he wanted it to.

"You arrogant bastard Lucas Scott. How dare you do this to me? What about what I want?" With each word she pounded her fists against his chest and she felt hot tears ripping down her cheeks, gone was her composure and her determination not to cry, not to show how much she cared. "I was there Lucas I was there asking you to leave her alone and you couldn't. So I gave you what you wanted and you took it, leaving ME heartbroken."

"No Brooke you were scared and took the easy way out. You always wanted me to fight for you but were never willing to fight for me." Her blood boiled and she lost any sense of where she was as she raked her nails across his face and pounded harder against his chest.

"It doesn't matter, what I did or didn't do you went to her anyway. You only wanted me when she knew about the baby, when it was too late for you with her. And the baby! You thought that I was capable of killing our child Lucas, you punished me and hated me and used me all because you thought I would be able to kill a child we'd created. A child that while was completely unplanned and was scary to think of having, one that would rip everything apart I loved. I kept all of that pain from you in order to allow you to be happy. I slept with you hours after you'd proposed to someone else because I loved you and I was even willing to give you another chance and you ripped my heart to shreds. How could you do that to me Lucas?" The anger gave way to sobs as she broke down in the middle of the street. "All I ever did was love you and you destroyed me." Her last words were a whisper and then he took her into his arms, wrapping her up tightly because the truth was nothing would take back the things he'd done to her.

"I was a fool. I'm sorry. But you're wrong I didn't want you just because Peyton and I had no future. I would have come to your door anyway. When she heard the truth and ran I never ran after her, I never even tried to speak to her because the only place I wanted to be was with you. I've spent years torturing myself for everything I did to you and hating how I treat you because even when I was doing it I still couldn't really believe you were that person. That you wouldn't love a baby we created just because it was ours. I had every right to be mad at you for not telling me about the baby and the miscarriage but I twisted it into something else because I was scared Brooke. I just want the chance to love you the way I always should have."

_I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
This was all I wanted, all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
Its all I want  
_

Her body shook against his and he felt relief that finally this was out there, that she was letting go of what he'd done to her because bottling it up inside of her was polluting her. But seeing the depth of how badly he'd hurt her he felt despair. He understood now why despite the fact she loved him she would not, nor could she trust him. She would not give herself to him again, her body may betray her when he was around but her heart was too badly bruised by him and him alone for her to risk it again. She might not love her fiancé like she loved him, but she would be safe with that man. She had no such guarantee with him. And she was right, it wasn't about what he wanted. He wanted nothing more than to spend his life with her in his arms, but after everything what she wanted had to come first.

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind  
Only love_

_Just say yes, coz I'm aching and I know you are too  
For the touch of your warm skin  
As I breathe you in_

As her cries subsided she allowed herself to enjoy the feel of being wrapped in his arms. She tilted her face upwards to look at him, she saw the tears in his eyes as he looked deep into hers.

"I'm sorry, I realise now that's not enough." She closed her eyes and savoured the moment, stretched up to softly place her lips on his. As she pulled back she whispered.

"I love you Lucas, more than you could ever know. I wish it was as simple as that." She allowed them both one more kiss before she removed herself from his embrace and turned back the way they came. She walked with her head high and didn't allow herself to look back. She knew if she did she wouldn't leave him there, she wasn't that strong. Once more tears sprang to her eyes, this time slipping silently down her cheeks as she went back to her apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

"What happened?" A concerned voice broke her from her daze as she approached her building, strong hands gripped her arms and she looked up into a face she knew well.

"Nothing." Her voice was weak and it bellied the state of her emotions. He shepherded her to her home and let them both in. She allowed him to settle her into the couch and press a small brandy into her hands. The liquid burned her throat as she gulped it down.

"Brooke were you attacked?" Her glazed eyes finally looked up to him.

"Lucas showed up here a few days ago and I've just seen him." She saw his jaw twitch and his voice was measured when he questioned her.

"Did he hurt you?" She smiled wryly.

"No more than usual." Tears once again slipped down her cheeks and Chris was next to her instantly.

"Just tell me what happened Brooke."

"I just told him the truth."

"About what?"

"What he did to me."

"Which is?"

"He broke me." Chris' arm dropped from round her shoulders and she sat rigid beside him, both staring off into the distance.

"What did he want from you?"

"He didn't want anything from me – he just wanted me."

"When I asked you to marry me I knew without question you'd say yes. That's not right is it? Surely there should be some sliver of doubt with something as huge as that. I thought you were reserved just because that was your nature, the way your mother is but I was wrong Brooke. Whatever it is he did to you made you this way, so withdrawn from your feelings and emotions that I'm questioning that maybe I knew you'd say yes because this is like a business transaction to you where feelings don't come into it. We're both offering each other the future we want and we share the same aspirations. But that's not enough Brooke. I would never ever make you cry you know that." She nodded. "But I think that's less of a reflection on me and more on you. I don't think you've let me in enough to allow me to hurt you. I think you've barricaded yourself and your heart behind a wall which no one can through. But it appears he still can."

"I slept with him." Every defence she'd had for Lucas had centred on this man sitting beside her but she was no longer able to pretend. She'd rather be alone than with someone who didn't ignite the same passion in her that Lucas did. The same unwavering love.

"I was never really in the running was I?" He stood and went to the door then, turning back for a second. "Brooke either you let yourself love him or you'll be alone forever."

* * *

Lucas pushed the door to his home open, feeling utterly dejected. Before there'd been hope – now there was nothing left. When she'd walked away he'd gone and packed up his things getting the first flight back to Tree Hill. Everything looked the same but it was all different, darker, less bright. His world had become sepia and he doubted it would ever be the same again. He dropped his bag to the ground with a soft thud and sprawled across his bed, eyes staring at the ceiling. It had been a whirlwind few weeks. He wondered whether things would have been simpler if she hadn't come, if he hadn't been in the hospital and she'd just gotten married. There would be a finality to the situation if she had but all that had happened since allowed him to dream of a future together. She loved him, he wanted so desperately for it to be enough. She might just have been right when she called him arrogant. He'd thought that with the right words he would be able to achieve his desired outcome, but the truth was words always failed him where she was concerned.

"Hey big brother." He propped himself up on his elbows to look at the owner of the voice stood in his doorway. His brother was leant against the door frame with a basketball hooked under his arm. "Fancy going for a game of horse?"

"I think my mom and your wife would kill us both if I stepped foot on that court." Nathan smirked back at him.

"I convinced my beautiful wife with my considerable charm that horse was not strenuous and therefore acceptable." Lucas chuckled.

"So any particular reason you're taking Haley's role in coming to check on me and find out what happened." Nathan grinned.

"I'm saving your ass man. She's still real mad about you just taking off, and a pregnant hormonal Haley is to be avoided at all costs." Lucas sat up then to look at the younger man.

"Did you say pregnant?" Nathan nodded, a wide grin splitting his face.

"I sure did." Lucas stood and shook his brother's hand before hugging him.

"Congratulations."

"So let's go man." Lucas duly followed Nathan out to his car. "Given the absence of a pretty brunette and the general demeanour I'm guessing it didn't go down quite how you'd hoped."

"You could say that. I think we're done. I thought fighting for her would make it right but it won't. And I finally saw it, what I did to her. I always thought I knew but until I heard it from her I never knew, not really." Nathan slipped the car into neutral as he parked beside the River Court. He turned to his brother.

"I was a little surprised by your approach, I thought you'd do the whole 'softly-softly' thing. I mean she's engaged and you just propose, that's beyond crazy." Nathan got out the car and Lucas followed suit.

"Unlike my brother and best friend who decided to get married at sixteen when they'd been dating just months."

"At least we were dating."

"I didn't want to do 'softly-softly'. I just wanted an end Nate. I'm tired of whatever the hell it is that we've been doing. I love her more than I can articulate and I know I screwed it all up. I accept it's my fault but I can't wait forever in the hope she'll forgive me. Proposing was just all or nothing for me. It was laying everything on the line and praying that love was enough. I was all set for letting go when she got married, only she didn't she came here instead. I've written her a letter every week for almost six years and she only read them when she thought I might be dying. If I thought for a second I could change her mind I'd fight right up until my last breath, but I just don't."

"So you're giving up?" Nathan raised an eyebrow at his brother and it irked Lucas.

"What would you suggest doing then oh wise one. She broke down in the middle of street in anger and then sobs because of what **I** put her through. Maybe the best thing for her is me to give up have you ever considered that? Maybe I've hurt her too much and if she's any hope of being happy it's me leaving her the hell alone to live her life. I don't expect you to understand Nathan, you and Hales have got the always and forever thing going on and that's great for you. But it does mean you can't understand what's it like to see the woman you love having a near breakdown and knowing you're the reason. You caused it. To know that I'll never be with her because for her to be happy it means being a million miles away from me."

"Maybe she just needs more time Luke, she did come here after all. There's something she can't let go of."

"You didn't see her Nathan." The image of her was carved deep into his brain and he doubted he'd ever forget it. Forget how much she was hurting and the guilt that scorched him every time he saw it in his mind's eye. She'd never be with him and there was absolutely no one to blame but him.

* * *

"Lucas it's been three days you need to get up, or take a shower or something." Karen Hargrove worried deeply about her son, since his return the only time he'd left the house was to go out with his brother, since then he'd been in his bed. Mostly he stared at the ceiling as if it would offer him an answer, the only other thing she'd seen him do was flip through pictures of senior year when he and Brooke had been happy.

"'The setting of a great hope is like the setting of the sun. The brightness of our life is gone.'" Karen smiled in spite of herself, the fact Lucas was still able to quote Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in his state showed that there was still hope for him yet.

"That may be so, but as Sarah Ban Breathnack said 'expect to have hope rekindled, expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.' Lucas if Brooke truly is the one there will be a day where your dreams come true. If she isn't then there will be a day when it no longer hurts."

"I don't want anyone but her and I don't want there to be a day when it doesn't hurt anymore. I deserve to hurt after everything I've done to her. She is the one, you know that already or you wouldn't have given me your ring." Karen sighed knowing he was right in that regard. She loved Brooke like a child of her own, she had for years and she had waited patiently for the day they both realised they were meant for one another. But in the meantime they'd tormented and hurt one another. Lucas inflicting the worst and now it seemed hard to believe that they would find a way.

"Then they'll be a way Lucas. But living in squalor and smelling like a tramp most certainly isn't it." Lucas smiled in spite of himself. He forced himself to sit up and his mother came further into his room and perched on the unkempt bed beside him.

"I don't know what else to do." His mother smiled at him and took his hand.

"I wish I had the answers for you. I wish I could take away your pain and hers. Before her wedding you were able to settle for writing her, hoping that one day she'd read your letters and come to you."

"Hope is the greatest torment of man, it was dying by the time she was getting married and then knowing she was here it just surged in me. I suppose that's why this feels so awful now, for hope to rise and then recede as fast as the tide."

"Maybe you should tell her."

"I promised her I'd leave her be now."

"She has the choice whether to read it or not." With a last smile Karen left her son to think things through.

* * *

_Dear Brooke,_

_So much for New York being the end and me leaving you to be happy. But you may well not even read this, or save it to read until I'm next in hospital. A poor joke I know but I'm making an effort to lighten my own mood._

_Part of me feels like I should apologise for ambushing you with a ring and a proposal like I did but the truth is I meant it, I want for you to be my wife. But I do realise that's not what you want. Seeing just how badly my actions hurt you is something that will live with me forever. I don't blame you for being unable to give our love another chance. The blame is entirely mine._

_Coming to New York seemed such a good idea. Knowing you had rushed to my bedside ignited a spark in my fading hope that pushed me to seek stronger action than years of hopeful letters. Though it was fruitless I suppose I can at least console myself with the fact that despite everything you do still care for me, which admittedly is much more than I deserve._

_Proposing was probably a huge shock to you, it was to everyone here too, but I just want you to know how serious I am, how committed I would have been, should you have agreed to my proposal, to ending the last decade's worth of torment and giving you everything and anything you desired to make you happy. All I wish for now is your happiness, whether I am able to provide it or it comes from another._

_I shall always wait for you._

_Forever Yours,_

_Lucas_

_

* * *

_

Lucas' fingers flew over the keys as he typed furiously on his new novel. The only way he had been able to cope with his loss of Brooke was to write. In his words he could create a happy ending for them both. He glanced up at the clock and saw Haley would be arriving with the children soon. He hadn't seen her yet since coming back from New York five days previously. She had tried but while he had lain prone in bed he had refused to see anyone. Following his mother's advice the previous day he had got up, showered and written to Brooke. He fully expected his friend to have plenty to say on his disappearance and his hasty proposal to the brunette fashion icon.

Knowing the time was fast approaching where he would be pulled back into reality from his fantasy world he was creating with words gave him the drive to type quicker, seeing the images of the characters in his mind doing all of the things he couldn't in reality. The lives he was creating for the semi-real characters. In fiction he could erase some of his mistakes and weave his happy ending. He heard the door to his room open but didn't look up wanting instead to finish his line of thought before greeting Haley.

"I hear the position of Mrs Lucas Scott is vacant, I was considering applying."


	13. Chapter 13

**"_I hear the position of Mrs Lucas Scott is vacant, I was thinking of applying."_**

_I feel so peculiar I don't know what to say  
But don't let me fool you I'm not one bit afraid, no way_

_One thing's for sure  
What I would give to simply open my door  
and see your smiling face_

Lucas stopped his furious key tapping at the voice.

"You want to be my wife?" A grin met him and he couldn't help but smile back.

"I said I was THINKING of applying for the position." He smiled back, amused by the conversation.

"Anything you'd like to know to help with the decision?" She beamed back and smirked.

"Any other applicants?" He laughed.

"Not really, but it wouldn't matter. The position was created with you in mind."

_Hello hello won't you come right in  
I'd give anything just to see you again  
Hello hello won't you come right in  
Step into my world where you know you're everything  
Everything I need_

"Well that's good to know, we could discuss details over dinner if you like."

"Is that a date?" She laughed and shook her head.

"Do you always date potential business acquaintances?"

"Special circumstances."

"I hear there's a pretty good cook in these parts at the minute, perhaps she wouldn't mind making something." He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Are you kidding?"

"All pretence aside Lucas I really would like to see your mom." He grinned and got up, walking to the door and opened it stepping into the hall.

"Hey ma, someone here wants to see you." Karen appeared in the doorway to the kitchen a second later, wiping her hands on a towel.

"I don't suppose there's a spare plate for dinner is there?" Karen's face displayed her surprise at the woman standing beside her son. She recovered quickly and was soon hurrying over, enveloping her in a hug.

"For you there is always a space at my table."

"Glad to hear it." Karen beamed at her when they parted.

"What are you doing in town?" The brunette shared a look and a smile with the blond man beside her.

"Possible business contact."

"How long are you staying?" She shrugged.

"However long it takes to iron out the details." Lucas smirked beside her, wondering for a second if his penchant for creating a happy ending for them in his novel had led to a vivid daydream because the whole thing seemed beyond surreal.

"Well we're kind of crowded but you know we'll find room for you, but then there's plenty of room at Nathan and Haley's anyway isn't there."

"I heard my name." A voice hollered from the external door in Lucas' room. The voice was swiftly followed by the patter of children's feet.

"Aunt Brooke!" A delighted Jamie shouted as he came through into the small hallway to find none other than Brooke Davis stood there. His mother followed his lead letting out a delighted squeal at seeing the fashion icon.

"Brooke what are you doing here?" She gave a full, dimpled smile to her friend.

"It's complicated."

"Will you be here long?"

"Maybe."

"Well I might just handcuff you to something and not let you leave – at least not until I've got you tied into being godmother again being as you wouldn't last time." A delighted smile covered the brunette's face and it was her turn to squeal as the two women embraced.

"You're pregnant!"

He watched with a half amused smile on his face, he watched as his family fought over her attention, he watched as she poured her attention on his sister just because she could see how Lily had felt an outsider while they all clamoured over each other for her attention. He watched as Jamie followed her absolutely enchanted, as she shared smiles, laughs and reminisces with his mother and sister-in-law. Then he watched as she was swept into his brother's arms after he'd been summoned because of her presence. He watched how easily she fit in with what had, due to her arrival, become a large family meal. And he smiled as he watched because he knew a peace, a knowledge that despite the fact they'd not had a real discussion over what her being here really meant, that even though her attention had left him the second everyone else knew she was here and hadn't returned, she was here for him.

He wondered how on earth she'd left this behind, his family was as much hers as it was his. But then of course his family wasn't usually all together as they were now. He saw the irony in the fact that it was only when they were all gathered together he realised how much he missed his mother, her husband and his sister. There would never be anyone in this world that could slide so seamlessly into this environment like she could, it was artlessly done simply because she was as near to family as was possible and because she fit with every part of him. Separately it might well seem that they were too different to ever piece together, but once you saw them as whole you knew that there would never be another better suited to either of them than they were to each other. He just prayed that this time was for good. That she saw it like he did now.

She felt him watching her the entire time she'd been there. She had loved every second, being immersed in a life she'd left behind but not ever forgotten. These people were her family, blood or not they were the ones who knew her best. She'd put herself so far away from them for so long and she did think she had punished herself far more than she had him. But perhaps it was the way things were meant to be.

"Tsk tsk Broody, you can't be smiling. It ruins the whole nickname thing." She grinned easily at him as she finally took a seat next to him. Even the children seemed to sense that it was time to leave the pair alone.

"It's been a good day."

_I'm suddenly hopeful whenever you're in sight, that's right  
I talk about you all day whisper your name at night, that's right_

"Let's go for a walk." He got up and followed her outside. They fell into step with one another, a lazy pace as the dusk began to settle around them. "Home, it's funny how we use that word so often but half the time we don't mean it. Tree Hill is home, my family are my home. The family I chose, or did they choose me?"

"I like to think it's a little of both. So Brooke Davis what brought you to my door?" She smiled softly.

"I got your letter. I don't have a poetic explanation for what changed between you being there and me coming here. In some ways it might be what Chris said. He told me if I didn't let you in I'd always be alone. It's not true as such, not alone I could have found someone else that could give me the same things he did. But I think the point was that it would be a pale comparison to what's between us."

"What happens now?" He was unsure whether she'd planned to lead them both to the River Court or not but it was where they'd ended up. She stepped into the centre of the court, tilted her head back, threw her arms wide and let her eyes roam the sky as the stars began to twinkle.

_Whatever you need  
What I would give if you should ask it of me  
To make you feel complete_

"I remember when you told me this place was your world." He approached her and grasped her arms, he brought them down to her sides and she brought her head back up to look at his.

_Hello hello won't you come right in  
I'd give anything just to see you again  
Hello hello won't you come right in  
Step into my world where you know you're everything  
Everything I need_

"And you asked if you got to be a part of that world." She smiled at him. "It's still true, you still get to be the biggest part." He leant forward, softly pressing his lips on hers. Her exerted only the slightest pressure, he could feel her press back then she was gone. She smiled at him.

"Teach me to play tomorrow Lucas?" Confused he could do nothing but smile at her as she walked away from him.

* * *

Brooke Davis stood with her long brunette locks pulled back in a messy ponytail, she was wearing jeans and a grey hoodie, with Keith Scott Motors scrawled across the back. That sweatshirt was the first thing he saw.

"I'd given up hope of ever finding that hoodie." She jumped down from her perch on the picnic bench and turned to him grinning.

"Call it a souvenir. So are you ready to show me how to play then?" He was still completely bemused why Brooke had decided to fly in from New York to avoid any actual conversation about what it meant and decided instead to get him to teach her how to play basketball. He knew enough to know that forcing her was not wise, she would only come when she was ready and pushing her would cause her to run, which was obviously not what he wanted. But he was so certain of his heart, of what he wanted that it was difficult to not ask her what she wanted.

Two hours of attempting to get the ball through the hoop and she was ready to throw the ball into the water. But despite her frustration at her lack of ability there was an overall sense of peace. This was exactly where she belonged, and more than anything else it was exactly where she wanted to be.

"What were you thinking when you wrote Ravens?" She watched as he paused just before throwing the ball at the net.

"Pretty much what I put in the book."

"Did I start as a footnote or is that just the way the editing process went?" She saw the startled look in his eyes as she asked the question.

"Brooke the book was..." She held up a hand.

"It's okay Luke, let's face what good story ends with a conflicted hero. Every love story needs a happy ending and given you were with Peyton that the way it was always going to go. But that's not my point, there are things about us that never got into your book, things you said what we meant to each other. Were they all true even though they didn't make the cut?"

"Brooke everything between us was real."

"Good." She stepped back, standing directly under the basket. "Rachel told me about your date on the night of the fantasy boy draft in high school. Make the shot and I'm the one right – and you did. Bravo. So if it's meant to be Luke then you'll make the shot, a metre further back than last time, still blindfolded."

"Brooke it was insane and even more so now." She smiled and walked towards him, pulling free the blindfold hidden away in her back pocket and holding it out to him.

"Come on Luke." He sighed but stepped backwards on the court and took the blindfold from her. He positioned himself the best he imagined before placing the blindfold on. She walked back to her spot beneath the basket.

"You need to say something, it's how it worked with Rachel."

"I know Lucas, so this is it. Make the shot and I'll marry you." He gulped as he heard the words.

"Are you serious?"

"I've never been more serious in my life, if I'm the one, if what we have is what's meant to be then make the shot and we'll get married." He took a deep breath, focussed on exactly where he thought her voice had come from, pressed down on his heels and pushed his body up and threw the ball.

**Song is Sugarbomb's Hello**


	14. Chapter 14

Brooke Davis sighed in frustration, she wrestled with the elastic band around her wrist yanking her hair up into a high ponytail.

"Hey tigger what's got you huffing and puffing like a woman in labour?" Brooke shot her friend a dirty glance which softened when she realised the other woman had coffee in her hand. She gladly took the beverage from her friend, placed a soft hand on the large bump that had emerged and then returned back to her frustrating task.

"No matter how many times I draw this goddamn dress it just doesn't translate onto the paper. I know exactly how I want it in my head but for the first time in my life I just can't get it down on paper, at this rate I'll never get it done."

Designing was her life, it had been for years and not once had she struggled to get her ideas down on paper, yet this one dress was causing her more stress than all the others she'd designed and created over the years. Work had been her solace for years and yet for some reason when she desperately needed it now it was failing her.

"Have you tried talking to Lucas?" Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Are your crazy pregnant lady hormones messing with your brain – why exactly would I talk to him?" Haley laughed, causing Brooke to glare at her friend.

"My hormones and my brain are exactly the way they should be, I think maybe you're the one that's going crazy. Surely Lucas is the one person you should talk to."

"You do get what's going on right? How could I talk to Lucas about it?"

"Look Brooke after all these years I doubt I'll ever understand the two of you, but clearly you need to do something otherwise the rainforest might have been completely used up for paper before you have that design right."

"I'm not talking to Lucas – end of discussion. Tell me about baby things instead." Haley rolled her eyes at Brooke, who in turn pretended not to notice, gulping down caffeine and returning to her sketchpad instead.

"Everything's fine, just as expected. In just a few weeks I'll be in excruciating agony and craving any and all drugs available."

"Way to scare the person who wants children." Haley laughed.

"Honestly Brooke it's not that bad – I mean it can't be right or I wouldn't be having number three."

"I can't believe you won't tell me whether you're having a boy or a girl – it's just mean. All this time I could have been designing gorgeous outfits but I don't want to get it wrong."

"I can buy clothes Brooke, but this is just for us. Everyone knew with Jamie and with Megan, this time we just want it to be us that know. Besides Skills is taking bets on the sex of the baby so you'd have an unfair advantage if I told you now." Brooke raised an eyebrow.

"You're okay with people betting on the sex of your child?"

"Sure I am, I told Jamie to put money on it for me so I know I'm winning." Haley grinned and Brooke laughed in spite of herself before bending back over her work.

"Sweetie this dress needs to be ready in just two months, and you've been trying to do it for about five. Maybe it's time you accept it's not going to happen and do what other people do." Brooke threw a glare at her.

"I am doing what other people do, in case you haven't noticed Hales your dress was a Brooke Davis original, Karen's dress was a Brooke Davis original – the first dress was an original. What does it say about this that I could design a wedding dress for you and Karen and for a wedding I walked out of but I can't design one when I'm marrying who is supposed to be the one." Haley rubbed Brooke's arm sympathetically.

"Lucas is the one and don't forget it. I mean he made the shot right – which if I haven't told you before is a very odd way to decide to get married but it will be a good story for the grandchildren. Brooke have you ever considered that the reason you're struggling so hard to make your dream dress for your dream day is because it's unattainable perfection." Brooke leant back in the chair considering what Haley was saying.

It was strange that she'd known Lucas would make the basket before the ball even left his hands.

_He tore the blindfold from his eyes and looked straight at her, hope surging in his eyes as she slowly smiled at him._

"_Well husband-to-be you're a pretty good shot."_

"_It went in? We're getting married?" She licked her lips and smiled._

"_Well it went in so I guess we are." With each word they both spoke they took a step closer to the other._

"_Serendipity Brooke." They were just inches apart when he pulled a small velvet box from his pocket, he crouched on one knee and flipped the box open. "Marry me." It was a statement and not a question because now they were finally in the same place there could never be doubt that marriage was exactly where they were heading. She smiled and placed her hand out for him to slide the ring onto her finger._

But somehow through all the agony that the years had brought them all the uncertainty had melted away before she got on the plane to Tree Hill. She had known that she wouldn't be going to New York again, at least not for a while and only for business. She knew that going to Tree Hill would mean starting a future that she finally acknowledged she had wanted since she was sixteen – a future that despite everything she'd never stopped wanting.

* * *

"What's with the face dude?" Lucas looked up at his brother scowled at him. "Wow that's even worse what did I do?"

"Disturbed my concentration."

"Sorry, I thought you'd sent the novel to the publisher now." Lucas rolled his eyes.

"You think my worried face and pissed off demeanour is frustration over a book. You've got to be kidding me. Nate I'm a writer and I've spent years writing letters to Brooke declaring my love. The ironic thing however is that I'm struggling to write my vows." Nathan laughed.

"Sucks for you man I've already got my speech done." Lucas glared daggers at his brother.

"How was that helpful?"

"Talk to Brooke, maybe you guys have more in common than you think you do." Lucas' brow creased in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nathan smirked.

"Let's consider for a moment what it could mean, the writer struggling with wedding vows, therefore the designer might be struggling with the wedding..." Nathan raised his eyebrows as he trailed his words off.

"The dress? Brooke's struggling with the dress?" Nathan shrugged.

"For two people who have a connection that's spanned years and miles who are getting married you don't communicate much."

"I thought she might take it as a sign that it wasn't the right thing." Lucas had struggled with his vows for weeks now, never quite being able to broach the subject with Brooke because despite his happiness she was here, his joy at their impending wedding, which as an added bonus meant his family was still in Tree Hill not seeing the point of leaving and then coming back so soon, it still felt completely unreal. When she'd told him that the ball had gone straight through the net he didn't think it could possibly be real that she was by default saying they were getting married. It seemed impulsive and slightly crazy given that just a few months ago they weren't even on speaking terms nor had they been for years. He was obviously overjoyed by the turn of events, but he felt like he was hanging on a precipice waiting to fall over the edge. He felt like he was just waiting for something to end this because it always happened. And truth be told the wedding was slightly rushed, seven months to plan a wedding was not that long a time frame. With the fact his family was still taking residence in his house Brooke was staying with Nathan, Haley and the children, which meant there wasn't all that much time they were actually together. Truth be told he still felt as lost now as he did when she showed up at his door. So yes, Nathan was right they did need to talk. And he tried to tell himself that if they truly were meant to be talking about it wouldn't change anything – but if the past had taught him anything it was that if there was a way to screw things up one of them would find it.

* * *

"Hey pretty girl." Brooke looked up from her makeshift studio in one of Nathan and Haley's guest rooms and smiled at him. He figured it was a good start. "How are things going with the wedding outfits?" The smile faltered just a little, long enough for him to catch it – but only because he'd been looking for it.

"Just two more to do. But since one of them is for the baby who won't be arriving for a couple of weeks and therefore we don't know the sex of my hands are a little tied. Plus of course they'll need to be alterations done for Haley post baby."

"What's the other outfit?" Soft hazel eyes met icy blue and Lucas was resolute in not allowing her to deflect the question.

"My dress." He only just managed to stop himself from smiling – so Nathan had been right and there was something.

"I would have imagined it would be the first one you wanted to do." The fact she couldn't quite meet his gaze told him more than any words could. "Brooke I know you're struggling with it. I'm struggling with my vows. I never told you before because I was worried that you'd think it meant something more than it did."

"Haley thinks that I'm struggling with my dress because I'm being too much of a perfectionist."

"What do you think?"

"I can understand her rationale. So why is the writer struggling with the words?"

"Maybe Haley's theory applies. Brooke I don't want you think I'm not beyond ecstatic about this but it feels like we're jumping into it. In six years we've not spoken at all, but now we're getting married. I left New York thinking that this would never happen, within weeks you were standing at my door and challenging me to make a shot that would decide our lives. Since then it's been more about the wedding than it has been about us." He felt his breathe almost stop as he waited for her reaction.

Brooke knew there was an undeniable truth about what he said. For some reason it had been easier to focus on the wedding than on taking their connection and building a relationship. They were actually surprisingly estranged for two people about to get married. She'd thought that coming here and agreeing to marriage was the step she'd needed to take in order to move forward with her life, with their lives and letting him in. But the truth was the way she'd gone about it meant that they were left not having to confront their past. New York had been a confrontation that was a long time in coming but it certainly didn't bring the past to a conclusion, while she wasn't a fan of the whole 'closure' terminology it did seem that they needed to be able to draw a line under what had gone on before.

"I guess it seems like a huge turnaround for you. Lucas when I came here while you were in hospital I realised something that I'd spent years trying to ignore or forget. The reason I left in the first place was because I'd have forgiven you. If I'd stayed it might not have been immediately but I would have. And I didn't want to because I didn't believe that you meant what you said. I left and built a life that didn't include you. But I missed you, everyday. I just wouldn't let myself acknowledge that. Everything I said to you I needed to say, but what I needed more was to know that what I felt for you went both ways. And I know I didn't throw myself at you the second I knew but the truth is not a day has gone by since I first fell in love with you that I haven't wanted to be your wife."

"I love you Brooke Davis." He pulled her close to him, crushing her against him as his lips found hers. Words running through his head like wildfire, somehow he knew his vows would come easy now.

* * *

Lucas smiled as he surveyed all he could see, Brooke had outdone herself with the arrangements. The oak tree provided a shady focal point for him to stand with the priest, he was able to turn and look out over the water. A perfect vista for such a glorious day. The rows of white chairs were divided by a thin red carpet aisle that would soon bring his bride to him. At the ends of each row was a twist of wire holding a white metal bucket that held a bouquet of Gerber daisies, white ranunculus and calla lilies. He felt an overwhelming sense of happiness as he watched a clearly overjoyed Megan practically skip up the aisle. She scattered white rose petals that were soon trampled on by Jamie. Pride at his important job written all over his features. He looked over at his best man, his brother. Nathan looked so proud of the elder two of his three children. Baby Callum was snuggled comfortably against Andy's chest in the front row. Next to approach them was his baby sister. Lily held a just a bunch of lilies as she did her best to glide along the aisle as she had been shown previously. A surprisingly slim considering she had a baby just a month ago Haley made her way towards them next. Lucas didn't fail to miss the shared look between Haley and Nathan, still so much in love after 12 years and three children.

And then there was Brooke. Her arm looped through his mother's as the person she'd chosen to give her away. Brooke looked stunning, he felt his heart beat fast and he knew that this was absolutely the start of the rest of his life.

"What can I say to you that I haven't already said? What can I give you that I haven't already given? Is there anything of me that isn't yours already, my body, my mind, my heart, even my soul. Everything that is me belonged to you long before this, and it shall be yours long after this. I will follow you anywhere and everywhere you lead, hand in hand and heart in heart." Her words were heartfelt and passion filled as she bound herself to him.

"Tall oaks from little acorns grow. There was a spark, one small spark when I looked at this woman, a girl as she was then, one night she rescued a friend and I saw a glimmer of the person she was underneath a hardened act. And I felt a spark then, I won't pretend it has been easy for us to get here but from that spark almost thirteen years ago something amazing has truly blossomed. Since that day this woman has taken root within my heart, and she has grown majestically until my love for her is as tall as the highest mountain and as wide as the largest ocean. And now that we are here nothing shall ever part us." She almost cried at his words, finally she could believe that their love was enough. That they could have the life they had always wanted. That the past could be forgiven and forgotten and they could be Brooke and Lucas, Cheery and Broody, husband and wife.

**Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this story and to those who reviewed I really appreciate each and every one. I hope this has remained as good as the one-shot it was originally intended to be and no one has been disappointed by the continuation. Thanks once more.**HiH


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